Emo-ing

It's 2009 now. Think back of 2008, there's so many things happened and which indirectly change my life now. Sometimes was thinking looking forward for a simple life but is not easy at all. Is not that I don't want, people and environment just don't allow me to be simple. I do not want to involve in something, eventually I need to be involved. If I don't, people will think I am selfish, I am fake. But hey man, this world doesn't always appear to be what you expect it to be. Why want me to choose? To choose the either one? I don't want to choose cause I don't want to lose anyone. But sometimes being nice to people is just like using the knife to hurt yourself. Who cares? People told me that I am stubborn, I will not admit my mistake even is my fault. But why you wanna pull me inside the ocean when you know I don't know how to swim? Why you wanna tell me all these when you know I am not firm enough to handle this, when you know I always being sensitive?

This time, I admit is my fault not fully trusted you. I am not in a position to judge that's why I don't want to be involved. I am not being fake, is just I am too scare to lose all friends. What I feel now? Seriously I am feelingless, started to think I am on my way to become cold blooded. This is not the single case. Time flies, people changed. I am that type of person who doesn't like changes. But now, I just didn't cry and I really can't feel the pain and sadness anymore. Maybe I am immuned to it, maybe I am numb. I've been tearing alot last year, but it only makes u weak and irritates other people. You know, I wanted to cry recently, but I realize I couldn't, I just don't know how to cry anymore. Sometimes I was thinking of giving up, giving up everything.

"Only tough people can make it to the last." But my friends used to tell me to be weak, don't be too strong. Haha, what a contradiction. Weak? I was weak before, but it irritates people and nowadays not only weak gals will get the attention. In contrast, in times we just need to be tough, independent, and smart enough to stand by ourselves. Depend on yourself before you try to depend on others. In this realistic world, I need to be tough and I always need to depend on myself when facing problems. I could complain and could get comfort from family and friends, but lastly I am still the one who is going to solve them out. Don't try to get sympathy from other people, we need to respect ourselves before others respect us. So, chill Dolly! Give up what you should give up, and move on cheerfully. I know you can, have faith!