Finally!!!

Yes! Finally! Finally I've submitted both essays which due on week 12. Opps, for your information, I am already in Malaysia for one week. It's look like I have my holiday one week earlier than my friends, but actually I've been rushing like hell for my essays throughout the week. So, I'm back, feelings? I don't know... Last post was writing about my thoughts one night before I left UK, and yeah, it's just like yesterday, time flies man...

Well, the feeling is kinda different from when I was back for summer. Different feeling, because different friends. Something and some place which seem to be strange for me during the summer now seem familiar to me. Meet up with some old friends, we still able to talk like we did, but our lifestlye has changed==>imagine the three of us wanted to go home at 12am?! We know we cannot go back to the past, to the lifestlye and freedom we used to have.

Sometimes I wish I am not back in here for holiday, I do not want to come back to this land of reality, which I always need to face the reality which I do not want to know and to stress up myself for so many things, which make me often think of staying back in UK is actually a good thing. However, back here sometimes reminded me of last summer when I spend three months here. Dude, life here got bit different without your "38" shadow. No sing k in cheras plaza, no sushi and ice-cream, and no more your "hypothetical questions" in Laundry! And most importantly, cannot "wat" people to treat us eat. Lol...

Okay okay, gonna meet up with my buddies real soon too! Woohoo~ Reunion and gathering, can't wait to see all the 'keh-poh" faces. See you guys ya!! MOS? Mana-mana sajalah!

A night with thoughts

I am down in London again now. Staying awake in 4.40am local time, need to go to the airport at 6.30am. As you guys know, I am going to leave UK for about a month time. Well, I know I haven't been updating my blog for quite some time, because everytime I wanted to update, is either I don't know what to write or I got so sleepy and tired when I wrote the first sentence. I've been busy for quite some time, essays, experiments, etc, etc... Well, I am not going to relief till 17th Dec..

Somehow, I always feel heavy hearted when I want to leave UK. Maybe I'm just contradicting myself at times, when I was sick, I feel like going home, but now, I am not... Somehow, I know I get attached to UK in any way, perhaps the cold weather, when walking in the freezing weather. Perhaps I miss my peeps here, I miss the days we hang out together, shopping together, and go IC together till late at night. Perhaps is just everything here is what I usually do for the dayss...

London, is always unexpectedly colder than Sheffield, I don't know why. Today, there is something like funfair in London, they have many games which you could win a big soft toys. I was in the same place last year. I saw a lot of gals hugging the big bear around Leicester Square and I want one too! But, maybe I just don't have the luck on it, even though is not I myself playing it and is not my money too!

Sometimes I just feel miserable...

Sometimes I just don't know what I want...

Okay... I shall update my blog again with pics... But NOT for now!

Happy holidays everyone and Merry X'mas and Happy New Year!

Bye UK and here I come--> Malaysia!

A day off from Sheffield

I've been very very busy recently. Psychology department and the Information Commons are my second home. Conducting experiment everyday until evening, then rush to IC to write my essay, I reached home at midnight most of the days, tired and exhausted. Well, finally I could spare some time to take a break of from Sheffield, I went to London, meet up with friends from HELP, I have a great time there. Not to mention, trying to have a shopping spree with Miss. Joan, sadly shops closed earlier on Sunday and the shopping spree is not that successful.

~Siew Wen and me along the crowded Oxford Street~

~Christmas Lights~

~It's dinner time~

~Kai Lun & Siew Wen~

~Kai Lun & Me~

Thanks Siew Wen for being a great host and I enjoyed the short trip. Thanks to Kai Lun too for coming out for dinner even I called him at the very last minute. I appreciate it very much and hopefully you guys will pay a visit to Sheffield in coming days. Oh ya, and I met Jane, Mabel, and Justin too. Thanks Jane and Mabel for purposely look for in the morning... Sorry for the rush trip I have, cause I thought of going on Friday but I really can't spare my time out on that day. =p

Okayy... An instant update. I shall get back to my busy life... Busy, bUsy, BuSy...

Dreams

I think we all have a dream, a goal or an ambition. Some of us try our best to strive for it; some of us just talk about it but doesn't make a move to achieve it. Is it hard to strive for what we want? Maybe we will say it's hard, but we always believe when we have the faith, we can make our dreams come true. I have dreams, especially when I was small and when I was in the high school. Sometimes I wish I can become a doctor, sometimes I wish I am somebody, etc. But, all these are just dreams because it doesn't last long in my mind and I am not gonna to achieve it.

I have forgotten since when, my dream and my ambition is to become a psychologist. This dream of mine is different from other dreams, because I hold on to it, because I have faith, that's why here I am, a 3rd year psychology student. Well, many people always think that psychologist is someone who deal with patients with mental disorders, listening to people's problems and people to settle problems. Once, I wanted to become a clinical psychologist, but when I know the chances to get a doctorate in clinical psychology in UK is near to impossible, I think " a dream is still a dream". "A brilliant degree, experiences in clinical settings, and preferably students who don't need a working permit in UK"---> I guess I am not the one!

And then, with a psychology degree, what can I do? I am not a psychologist apparently, but actually I can do so many things: human resource, marketing, research and development, consulting, etc. etc. But is that what I want? Sometimes I wanted to further my study, but sometimes I am just so sick and tired of study, it's not an easy way to become a psychologist. Well, guess I will try my best in my final year, now my dream is wish to get funding and continue with postgraduate study. I wish my dream will come true...

Slacking for Grey's Anatomy

Oh my god! I feel so bad now! I've been spending hours on Grey's Anatomy where I supposedly should be doing my essay! I feel guilty, feel bad, but I am just so addicted to Grey's Anatomy. Saving lives are great, isn't it?I wish I could save people's life too, perhaps I could, and I believe I could in a way. I like the "take home message" in the end of every episode. Sometimes, this series just has a great impact on me. Perhaps when you see and experience between live and death, you will be more grateful and appreciate what you have now!

Okay, life is short, so, get back to work and appreciate my time! Don't crap so much nonsense here..................

I feel bad and guilty, and now I am going back to work! Ciao!

Think and Feel

I realize, we always want to understand the people around us, wondering what are they thinking, what's inside their mind, etc. Sometimes I was asking myself why I found it hard to understand some people around me, I just feel like I want to know what are they thinking. But, why are we so eager to understand others while we don't seem to perfectly understand ourselves? Perhaps we need not understand who our friends are, but to accept who they are. Knowing too much is not a good thing either, sometimes it just irritates both you and your friends. Curiosity kills, and it killed me before, painfully. So, never ask too much of Wh questions, it only will makes people feel annoyed. Maybe everything happens for a reason, but it is not essential for people to tell you every reason they might have.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

Sigh, what am I going to do after graduate? Looking for a job here is not easy at all. Went to career fair, the jobs offer look so great and tempting. Honestly, I wish to stay here after graduate. I don't know why, I just feel that I like the life here. As somebody said that, staying in UK is like a dream, less worries; whereas going back to Malaysia is like going back to reality. Well, I know maybe both of us are just avoiding the reality, because we just don't want to face the reality. Then, we make a decision: we are going to stay here together! We'll try our best to look for job here! Oh, I told a friend of mine my ambition is to be a good housewife and he was like "serious?" Haha, yeah, it's so not me, I ain't going to be a full time housewife, I ain't going to cook and stay at home for whole day, I just CAN'T do that! I am not a HM gal, but I just need to have my own life, to stand on my own feet..........

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

Sometimes I was wondering about my destiny, I always believe that destiny is in my hand, even though I might not be able to change my final destiny , but at least I will try my best to get what I want. I am not that into fortune teller, but I like to listen to what they say about me, if is something good, I am more than willing to listen, if not, I will forget about it the next day, it't just self-fulfilling prophecy, I just listen to what I believe is true and ignore those which is untrue. Perhaps I am fortune teller too, because people used to say those who study psychology can read ppl's mind, haha (lame). I don't want to read people's mind too, what for I want to know so much about people's thoughts to bother myself, nothing to do mer?

Joan just say my blog came alive again, but I am craping nonsense here again. But I just like to share my feelings in my blog, as Finny said, something to share with friends. I seldom update my blog when I have no feeling or when I am happy, weird right? That's why most of my post seems grey and bored. Well, just put two photos in this post to make it lively a bit:

~Joan with her Recycle Bag~

~Me and my recycle bag~

Whee~ We love the environment and so we bought the recycle shopping bag costs a pound. Today I forgot to bring it out and scolded by Joan. Sorry, I will remember to bring it next time! Love environment, use recycle shopping bag!!!

冬天的月光

有人说过，外国的月亮特别圆，是真的吗？以理论来说，无论在哪一个国度，我们看到的月亮都是一样的。在这里，我很喜欢望向窗外，那一晚，我看到了非常明亮皎洁的月光，我心里面真的很温暖。或许冬天将至，天空很清晰，所以看到的月亮比较亮，比较大。不知何时开始，我爱上了天空，在房里，累了，看着那无边无际的天空，我释然了；走在街上，看这那布满星星的夜空，让我在这寒冷的冬天有种莫名的感动。

人有悲欢离合

月有阴晴圆缺

人生不也一样吗？

有喜有悲，

最重要的是，

不要轻易放弃。

我相信，

只要坚持下去，

人生还是美好的。

小晶，妳说的对，月亮就像爱我们的人，虽然离我们很远，但他们永远都在那儿守护着我们。

唉！这就是游子们的感触啊! 天空很大，我们却很渺小~

Life's Beautiful

Whee~ I said that I am going to shopping today, and I went. Hmm, winter is coming soon, and there's winter market in Sheffield, and I can feel the winter feel again. It's just like last year, I like to hang around the winter market, I like to walk around the city in this breezing and freezing cold air. But, the winter is here earlier than last year, and the weather here is freaking cold. Winter always give me the feeling of cold, but when you walk around the city center with people selling various type of things/food, I feel warm too. Just gonna to post up some pics of Sheffield:

~Mary-go-round~

~Joan and Me~

~Biscuits and Candies~

~Joan and Muriel in front of the candy's house~

~I'm buying my favourite chocolate fudge cake~

~The people in the city center~

~Our Clinical Psychology building, I love the tree and house~

Hehe, I told you it will be a disaster once I go shopping because someone will make me spend and apparently it was a disaster! But, she spend as well (evil laugh). I bought gloves and sweater from topshop and some other things. I must say this: Joan is happy today, Muriel is happy today, Dolly is happy today; but our father is definetely not happy today! Why?! Cause we spend, spend on shopping! But dads, forgive your little one okay? Just once in a while, to release stress, and winter clothes are necessary for winter, right?

Tonigh is Halloween day, Happy Halloween everyone! I can see everyone dress up in the street, in the pub, and in the club. It's so fun yet scary when I looked at them. Went for a drink at night, nothing much, just three of us again tonight, to feel the halloween feel...

~Muriel and Joan~

~Joan and Me~

~It's three of us again~

~Hmm..........~

Just have a glass of Mojito, the feeling is okay. Since whatever happened last year, I don't like the feeling of being drunk again. Well, guess everyone pass through the stage, the stage when everything seems so exciting to you. And now is a different stage, I just don't like the feeling of being unconscious, being so suffer, why wanna do all these things to torture my body? Having a glass of drink and chit-chatting with friends looks good, life doesn't seems to be much interesting by drink and drunk right? I know some of you might say is so not me to say all these craps, but I am no more a "pou jing" after come to UK, now I ask for a simple life...

Okay, I am off to bed........... Happy Halloween everyone!

Very Random

It's been a busy week for me. Meeting all the deadlines, and today, I am sort of relief for a while, yeah, just a while. I'm kinda sad and disappointed today because met my supervisor and he is expecting more for my essay plan. I know I was sad, but I even feel more guilty. I know I didn't put much effort in my essay plan, and I think he knew it too. Why must everything need to submit by week 5? Research proposal, essay plan, and seminar... But I don't want to give myself any excuse that I didn't put effort in my essay plan, not going to give myself any excuse this time! The feeling of guilty is terrible, it makes you think you shouldn't be like that. Well, after that, I was self-affirming that I can do better and I will do better. Does self-affirmation really play an important role when you are facing threatening events? Well, I think it is, at least you can be more positive to yourself and be more optimistic.

It's been a long time I never upload any photo in my blog. And I am not updating my blog that often as I did. Well, I haven't step out from Sheffield since I came back UK. I know I've visited quite some places during my first year here, but now, I just recover from my illness and I guess I am going to be very busy for my final year. I wanted to give myself a break as well, to go somewhere this weekend, but I am just exhausted. I might down to London during my study break to visit some friends from HELP, and well, at the same time it's shopping spree! Yay!

Woohoo~ Sometimes I feel so motivated now when I think of I can meet my besties soon in December! I think we gonna have a great time together right? Gosh, my mind is full of Yen's 38 face and her voice. Wahaha... I miss you peeps badly man, can't wait can't wait...

Well, busy for the whole week, should give myself some reward and relax for a day. Going shopping with my dude, I think we always do this when we're stress, down or unhappy. I know it might be a disaster, cause I might be spending again! That dude of mine, always like to make me spend since the day I knew her. Lol~ Guess she is going to kill me for saying her like this, cause sometimes I did make her spend too!

Okay, is a very random post about my life, I have lots to write but I have no idea how I should write it out, like my mind is in a mess now. To be continued...

留学生病记

还记得以前读小学的时候，老师都会叫我们写一篇很普通的记叙文--〉“生病记”。但今天我想写的是“留学生病记”。

话说在我回到英国之后的几天，天气突然变得很冷，仿佛就是一个早来的冬天。那时候我就开始伤风，我还以为是我的鼻子敏感。谁知两个礼拜后，我的喉咙开始痛，而且是痛得彻夜难眠的那一种，然后身体就开始不舒服，往厕所跑了两趟，干么呢？去呕！体温开始上升，也咳嗽了。我就吃了“万病通”--Panadol。 隔天，还跑到药房去买了咳嗽药。以为病情会好转，烧也慢慢退了；怎知在一个晚上突然感觉到身体很热，好像被火烧的感觉。我当时真的觉得很辛苦，又这么巧，我两个室友整个周末都不在，我感到很无助，泪水不停使唤的滑落，最后越哭越惨，已经到了那种泣不成声的地步。小时候写的作文都是什么“妈妈一直在我身边无微不至的照顾我，又褒粥，又定时叫我吃药。。。”现在的我，病了，自己还要煮东西吃，也要提醒自己要按时吃药。这时候，我告诉你我什么地方都不想去，只想回家，只想家人无微不至的照顾我。那一刻，英国的城堡都不算什么，我家才是最美好的城堡！

之后几天病到不能忍受了，固执的我决定去看医生，但这边大学的诊所周末是没有开的，而且看医生还要预约，所以星期一一早就打电话去 make appointment。等医生就等了10 分钟，看医生应该只看了2 分钟。而且猜猜看医生跟我说了些什么？她问我之前都吃了什么药？我就老实对她说咯，她说我做的很对，只要继续这样下去慢慢就会痊愈了，她说我没有发炎，所以不需要吃抗生素，所以她也没有开药给我，只介绍了Aspirin 给我。那好咯，反正我也是一个不喜欢吃药的人。以前总会写“医生给了我一大堆五颜六色的药丸。。。”现在医生是没有给我任何药啦，反之是我，三天两天就往药房跑，买了各种药，尝试了各种民间的治疗方法，都还是无效。

再国外生病，最惨的莫过于不知道要找谁倾诉，每个人说的话都差不多：吃药啦，早睡啦，喝多一点水啦，bla bla bla... 但我只想找个人倾诉我心里的感受，大多数人也只是敷衍我而已，没有怪他们因为我想换作是我也会有同样的反应吧，针不割到肉人是不会痛的。所以很多时候都把眼泪往下吞，哑巴吃黄连，有苦自己知。爸爸说的对，只要自己志强不息，也不必到处摇尾乞怜，更不用去奢望别人会来关心我活、听我发牢骚。为什么要把自己弄得那么可怜博人家同情？反正都是不容易的啦，坚强点，勇敢点，自己去克服心里的障碍。有时候，越显得越软弱，别人约会瞧不起你，觉得你很烦。

好啦，不多说了，我还要做一些功课，然后就寝。发觉自己的华语退步了，花了很长的时间才把整篇文章写完，文笔也退步了。唉！保佑我快点康复吧！

Emo fish

*This is an emotional post, if you are not in a mood to read it, just ignore it, cause it might irritates you* (Tze Lih, 2008)

I am terribly sick, is so suffer. That night, I freaked out because I was so sick, and nobody's at home, it makes me feel worse. I felt so helpless, lonely and tears burst out unintentionally. That was the time when I don't want to go anywhere except HOME! I just wanted to talk to someone, just someone to calm me down. I did call some friends, but most of them are busy with their own things and asked me to rest more, sleep earlier and stay strong. Hey! I know about all these, but I just need someone to talk to, to express what I feel, that's all. But who knows about all these? Apparently not much people know about it and I felt more helpless, non-stop crying. However, there are still friends who care about me, who will do anything just to make me laugh, who will accompany me when I was alone and who will tell me they'll always by myside no matter what happen. (Thx, you all know who you are and specially thanks to muriel to accompany me the whole night in my place!)

Perhaps my sister is right, things will not always appear as what I wish. I can't expect everyone will be there for me everytime right? I can't always depend on people when I was down, right? And I can't expect everyone will care and concern of all the time. Maybe she's right, I shouldn't overlook the problem as it is serious and big, eventually I can overcome it. Many people will ask why was I crying? Many people will scold me crazy because of crying. Laugh at me if you want to, but I am just expressing my emotion, I am just dare and brave enough to face the weak me, the fragile me. Is not like I will collapse there and never move on again after crying. Sometimes we might lost and feel miserable, but eventually we'll find our way.

The world is realistic, it is realistic enough to stop you from having a simple life. But maybe people will say what's the problem for being realistic, I am just doing something to get what I want, it doesn't state in the book that I can't do this and that to achieve what I want right? Who cares? Yeah, it's not wrong, you have the right to go after anything you want, is just I too care of what and how people look/think of me. Whatever things I do, I will think of "if I do this, how people will look at me, will they laugh about me? How will they judge me?" Oh well, some of you are right, I am just thinking too much, think of those consequences which doesn't seem to be important for me to decide a thing. And then now everyone will ask me not to think too much, not to care so much of what people think, the most important thing is how I think about myself. And well, now I am learning not to think too much, not to care, just follow my heart, do anything which I feel like doing. So people who don't understand me, shut you mouth off because whatever I do is NON-OF YOUR BUSINESS!

Just to tell everyone who study/working abroad, sick in oversea is very suffer and you will miss home a lot. So, take good care of yourself and avoid being sick in oversea.

Boring. Random. Life

Well, tomorrow I have only one lecture and it ends my third study week here. Basically, my timetable seems to be very free here, I only have 3 lectures in 3 days with 1only lecture on each day. It's only 50 minutes per lecture, so basically I just have 150 minutes lecture in a week. However, I have plenty of readings, I have plenty of works and deadline to meet :

1. Extended essay
2. Research Project
3. Cognitive Development Essay

Time flies, so it goes my 3rd week in UK. I always wonder why does the time flies? I went to Aunt Sally Restaurant for dinner just now, it reminds me of last year about this time, when Victor down to Sheffield for me. It's one year ago, and sometimes I just couldn't believe I've been here for one year. Life is uncertain, many things happened and many things have changed. I accept the changes, perhaps I know I couldn't change the changed.

And now I learn, it is always better to depend on myself than to depend on others. I used to depend on some people here, and everytime when the person is no more here for me to depend on, I felt lost and sad. Yeah, it is tough when you need to carry and keep everything to yourself, but at least I will not give up on myself and I will not abandon myself. It sounds pathetic, but think of it seriously and from my experiences I know I couldn't 100% rely on other people. My dad always told me that we must “自强不息”so we don't need to be afraid of is there anyone to help me.

And now I am learning not to jealous of anyone, even though I don't have what they have, but I have what I have, I should be grateful cause life would never be perfect. That day was discussing an issue with my friends, we were wondering why we always think that other people's stuff will always better than ours even though we have it too. Lol~ "I think the shirt you bought is nice maybe because it is yours and not mine?" Can someone tell me why sometimes people will feel like that?

Hey, there is a new song from Jay Chou which I think the lyrics are quite meaningful (introduced by Peggy), is called "稻香". I like the lyrics which state something about home is the only castle. Ya, after study abroad, I feel that my home is the nicest castle and it is the most comfortable place. But I wonder why want to use the word "castle" since some castle in UK is quite scary. I am sick here, I feel so helpless last night as I couldn't sleep and the only place I want to be is my home, the place where I always belong to. Sad, though I am trying to be tough, but I just wish someone will take care of me, cause I want to feel the belonginess too.

Forgive me for the long and boring post. Forgive me lah, I am sick and the brain is not functioning well to do my work, that's why I am blogging here. Sick fish signing off here, take care everyone and nice weekend to all!

Random

"Hey, just let everything stop here okay?" This is what I was telling myself. My major weakness: ruminating too much! My inner self likes to tell me "maybe XXXXX....... if XX then what should I do?" But now, I just don't want to make any wild guessing on everything so I should let everything ends. Now, I just don't have the courage to hold on to it anymore. Luckily I don't have a serious mood swing like last time when facing the similar problems. Luckily I didn't cry like last time though there's tears in my eyes. Is this the pathway to make me become a feelingless person? I still feel sad but apparently I am more calm this time. Maybe I am getting immune to the pain, sadness, disappointment and all.

I am so sick of all these, it makes me ill, it brought me down, and it is repeating over again and again. Who are you to influence my mood? And who are you to bring me down? Who are you and you to hurt me over and over again? ---> You're NOBODY. But I still feel sad..... =(

Don't see, don't hear, don't ask, don't care, don't know! Get out of my sight and get out of my heart! I don't deserve all these NEGATIVE FEELINGS!

Days without Internet

Woohoo~ I am impress by myself, I can actually survive without internet in my home for more than one week here, YES HERE, the "quiet and peaceful" SHEFFIELD! So, what could I do without internet at home?! Well, I went to class and most of the time hang out in the city-center till evening. At night, non-stop series marathon to keep me from being homesick! Yeah, I miss my home because even though without internet, I have my family back home!! =(

Now, I just NEED INTERNET CONNECTION!!! I am disconnected from the outside world during this period! Not only that, I have loads of work waiting for me--> research, journals, essays, final year project..... I need INTERNET to do all these! Arghh, I am going to go crazy and mad when I saw the deadlines of all these is so far yet so NEAR! And, I need a part time job to earn some money so I wish I can go back and travel with my family, and meet my "long time no see" brother.

Yeah, I know I desperately need for internet and money, Lol~

I admit I am an internet addict! Yes, I AM! Lol~

I'm back!

I am finally back in UK! And it's been a long time since my last update. Jet-lag is making me feel so tired and exhausted. Unpacking and packing stuff is killing me, I am freaking tired, tired, and tired. Well, the weather now is not bad, kind of sunny, it's rare to have such a beautiful sunny day.

Sigh, I think my body is in UK but my heart and soul still in Malaysia. I just can't really feel everything around me, and I just can't feel my existence here. Well, things are slightly different from last year. Now, I am no more a lost fish in Sheffield who previously don't know anything about here, I don't really need to depend on others. Is a good thing but meanwhile I just feel more lonely compare to last year. It's like not much people I can talk to, it makes me feel there is one thing less in UK. Perhaps I don't have the internet connection now, still need to apply for it. Without internet, my life is so dead, is like losing connection with the outside world. I wish I could get it fast, else I will die of bored here!

Okay, I will update more once I got the internet connection!

My summer should end here

I think my summer break should stop here. No one wants the holiday to end so fast, but seriously I think many things happened during this holiday, I hope everything will come to an end. Now I realize, sometimes knowing much is not a good thing either. There's something which I wish I will not know forever, knowing too much sometimes will make you think you are a fool, a stupid idiot.


Whatever happened these months make me thinks that sometimes people around me are quite scary. I wonder which person is a true friend of mine and which person is just like pretending to be a good person. Now I know, people will not turn to evil reasonless, sometimes life and experiences just push people towards the corner, force to be an evil. Will I become an evil then? I wish I will not, but after so many things, I just need to protect myself so I wouldn't get hurt anymore, forgive me, it's a self-defense mechanism, I need to be selfish sometimes. No worries, I know deep inside my heart, turning into an evil is not easy, but who knows?

I did mention before there's always turning back, but is it for everything? Now I am kind of exhausted, I just don't want to care, whatever happened is already happened, we can't change it. Wound will be cure but scar will always be there. Sometimes it's too late for everything, but I hope everything isn't too late for me! Sometimes being good to others mean being evil/harsh to ourselves. Lastly lastly, you're just the one who being hurt and feel sad. So, why should I bother to treat people good anymore?

Well, this might be an emotional post which is full of anger and disappointment. But, things are so uncertain in our life, I never know what is going to happen next. Mind is blank and heart is empty, guess I need some time to find my way back! Sorry, if you guys find out the dolly here is not the dolly you know (at least for this moment). Bless me!

Uncertainties, Life and Me

Again, this holiday, I realize nothing is eternal and thing doesn't go the way we wish. Well, everything is kinda fragile, maybe within few seconds, everything can be totally different and everything will only turn into history. I have done all I can, now just let natural takes place. I think truth is not how you explained it, truth is you believe in yourself, and is not about how others look at you. Time is a great tool, as time goes by, nothing can destroy truth!

Suddenly, I miss my buddies who are in Adelaide. I know, they will always by my side no matter what happen. Here come a question, did I make a right choice or wrong choice last year when I decided to go to UK? If I am in Adelaide, I think I will be very happy and many things will not happen. However, I did know some great friends over UK. There's always a chance to turn back, to transfer to Adelaide, right? Will I make this U-Turning? I always told people that the happiest time I have is during my college life, I met a bunch of "crazy" people, they are all cherish, perhaps they are more mature than I am, both chronologically and mentally. The cherish them always brighten up my days and my life!

Sigh, I am so confuse, confuse over something. Nevermind, life still moves on. Things which are unhappy just leave it behind. As someone told me before I have survive strongly in UK, so just don't give up and move on. I will always stay strong and stay tough and will not easily give up!
Bless me, wish me, and always be by my side~

Summer Holiday

Finally I am updating my blog. Hmm, time flies, month after month just pass like that. My feelings are complicated now. Sometimes I feel like going back to UK soon, sometimes I don't feel like going back. I know I always contradict with myself, I just don't know what I want, don't know what he wants, don't know what she wants, and don't know what they want!

Just came back from Miri, Brunei, and Sibu. Well, it's a nice and relaxing trip. The hosts are especially great. Specially thanks to Pricilla, Julian, Kevin, and of cross their family. People said it's hard to look for a close friend, then probability is low to meet a person, to know him/her, and become close friend. I'm glad that I have not only one good friend, I have you all. We met in other's country but we become good friends. Once again, Happy 21st Birthday to Baby Pricilla and I believe you have a wonderful birthday party and I am glad that I was able to attend your grand birthday party. May all your wishes come true!!!

If you ask me what I think about this summer holiday, I would say relax and relax. Summer, always give people the impression of cherish, brightness, full of energy and hope. If you ask me what else I want to do during this summer holiday, I would say I want to go to an island or beach, lay myself down on the beach and enjoy the natural scene and the sea. Wow, that's what I wanted to do most now! I miss the Redang trip 2 years back where there is only beaches and friends. Sigh, wonder when can I go to enjoy my beach holiday again!

Well, I think I shall stop here and I will update again about my summer holiday! Happy happy everyone!!! Muaksss.....

Leave Me Alone

I'm a distance away from my dreams again!

3 marks, and you drove me farther.

I can't afford to fail, to lose.

I'm just having expectation on myself,

but expectation turns into diappointment.

I realize,

things are not always easy,

I should accept the truth.

I wanted to cry, cry, cry.

So, just leave me alone for a moment,

to ruminate, to reflect, to be in solitude.

LEAVE ME ALONE!

Folk Psychology

WTF!!! Why people think that I am a Psychology Student and I should know everything about human? Repeatedly, they assumed I am a ROBOT, not a human. If I don't know how to angry, if I don't know how to get sad, if I don't have emotions, if I don't have feelings, then am I the human I should be?

Don't come over and tell me "you are psychology student, you should know why you get angry, you should think about the whole situation before you act, you should support others, and not get angry with others!" OMG, when I was angry, will I still able to reason what the hell am I get angry of all these and what other ways beside get angry? I am a psychology student but at the same time I am a human.

What I learned is not really about what people think I've learned. Reading your mind? Hypnosis? Knowing all about you? Stop making all these assumptions!!! I am so sick of all these! If study Psychology meant to lead us towards perfection and if it meant to be a cure for all psychotic syndrome, why not everyone take out Psychology course?

Reality

I have something in my mind which I couldn't utter.

I wonder, why must I feel the way I feel now?

I don't know who to tell, who to share.

Perhaps I am expecting too much?

I thought it goes the way I thought.

Too much of fantasize,

everything is perfect in my wonderland.

But the reality shows it is not,

nothing is perfect.

Everything is just my imaginery.

Back here,

I am nothing.

I will stop dreaming,

because I am tired of all these~

My days back here

I am back to my hometown finally. Home sweet home~ is how I feel now. Last night I have the best sleep since I came back Malaysia. Not much changes here, both people and the environment.

Now, I am having a dilemma here, to accept that internship or to apply for another internship/job/volunteering work? I was thinking this summer break, hmm, summer, should have enjoy my summer to the fullest; at the same time doing nothing make my summer meaningless as well. I am not desperately need a job for money, I just want to gain some experiences, practical life experiences. I feel so contradicting, I wish to work and I wish to travel around at the same time, but both couldn't come together I guess. Sigh...

Okay, back here, went out with my high school friends, as usual, our beloved gathering place, PCB beach. Not much people here, they going to start a new sem soon, so basically I have not much friends left here. The gathering was great, able to catch up with them since 1 year I guess. As I said, nothing much changed, we are still as 38 as ever, especially their interest in those rumours has never changed. I used to hate rumours when I was still in my secondary school, but now, haha, who cares? I explained and if people still insist the rumour is true, well, just let it be, I can't stop people from thinking and talking that way, so, why I care? Perhaps people just curious, yeah man, curiosity kills!

Oh well, I've been not updating my blog for quite some time, because I just don't know what to write. No feel, nothing much happen, so I'll just keep it blank. Wow, time flies, almost one month since my holiday. Arghh, gonna appreciate my time here....... Oh, finally I am able to meet up Yen, the forever busy woman, have a nice talk in both KLCC and SS2. Almost the same time last year and this year, both of us will be around KLCC-- Last year she accompany me to do my visa, this year she wait for me to interview. Huhu, but she's going to transfer to Australia soon again! Why all my good good friends are there? Nevermind, one day I shall fly there and meet up with you guys! I promise! Able to meet up with YeeLeng, Rebin too, went Poppy together and have a nice time too. Then then, have dinner and movie with Racheal, Nicky and She Fong. Haven't meet up with my darling yet. Darling!!! Gonna meet you up real soon!!!

Okay, I shall update again! Bye for now!

The World and Me

Finally I got a chance to blog. I am back in Malaysia for exactly one week.

I am sort of relief now, get the inspiration from someone's blog. Lucky me, I always get inspiration when I was lost. It's been almost 9 months in the other side of the world. Yes, I survive! At times, I always ruminate in UK, maybe that's the reason why gals are as twice as higher to diagnose with depression than guys. But, I think I learn a lot, really a lot.

The world is so big, and I am only a small small part in this world. When I look wider, my problems are actually not that big. When why are we keep on focus on the same thing all the time. Maybe we have too much, we have everything, perhaps that's why we have so much time and energy to think of some nonsense. Imagine, if you don't have enough food to eat, don't have a place to stay, will you still think of all those crappy relationship thingy?! I bet you won't. Walking down the street in Paris, saw all kinds of people, from different status, living a different life. The moment you are enjoying your happiness, other people might suffering from poverty, starving or other trauma.

I like the quote from my friend's personal msg something like "the happiest person is someone who appreciate what he/she has." I think I should not ruminate that much now onwards. I will just appreciate what I have now. Whatever happens I will try to face it, accept it, and let go it. “面对，接受，放下”.

I am tired, it's time to leave, leave everything which is not belong to me. Life is uncertain, everything just let it be natural. No matter how, there's always a way, even there is a dead end, turn back and walk again, I'll find my way! Cheers to everyone and me~

Summer Break

Wheeeee~ Summer break is coming. Everyone was busy packing things, preparing to go home for summer! I can smell the summer holiday now, 我闻到了暑假的味道！Housemate going back in hours time. Hmm, looking at her busy packing, I can imagine the day before I going back, complicated feelings: happy, excited, heavy-hearted, etc.

Time flies, almost 8 months here. Seeing everyone packing reminded me of my first day here in Sheffield. Hmm, tat's feeling is strange and I din feel the belonginess. But day after day, unconsciously I started to love here, love this place where I am staying now. I feel the belonginess, when I was away from here, suprisingly I always have "Sheffield Sick". Many things happened during this 8 months, but it was just like a dream for me. Until now, I can't imagine now already June 2008, whatever happened 8 months back is just like yesterday. Again, time flies, and it never stop!

I am kinda sleepy though, one more paper to go before I off to Paris on Friday. I think I don't have much time to write after tomorrow. So guys, I will see you back in Malaysia!

Woohoo~ Summer is here! Summer break is here! Malaysia, here I come!!!!!!!!!!!

Pre-Exam Stress

It's been a harsh time for me. One down but three more to go. Neuroscience on Tuesday and Social on Wednesday, that's actually killing me. Exam period in overseas is terrible especially you're facing everything by yourself. Homesick, other than home, no where is paradise. It's tough, seriously tough. 21 years, and this is the first time I actually study till cry. I cried for twice, I just feel helpless and don't know how to describe my feeling.

I tried my best to study, I think I did put effort. But at this moment, I just feel exhausted and tired. The only thing I could think of is to give up, yea, to give up. I seem not really understand what I was studying, and I am just being frustrated of the stupid me. Why can't I understand? Why? But give up, is so unlike me, I am not a person who will give up easily. I might/need to give up on certain thing, but definetely not this thing--> EXAM! I know I can't and I won't, because I have my commitment and reponsibilities, and most important is I can't forgive myself if I really give up. But I am so tired, hard to breath.........................

Lucky me, there's always people to give me support when I need it the most. There's always people reminded me to moving on. Even the tougher moment I have walked through, why not this time then? Thanks for your word "you have me......" though you might be joking or the egoistic you don't want to admit. But I was really touch from what you said. As I said, you've always be there for me when I am down. (You know who you are).

Okay, I am just complaining here. Give me a break and I shall move on.
I know I can... Aza-aza Fighting!!!!! Everything's gonna be alright!

IRREPLACEABLE

I wonder why, these few days memories between you guys flashed on my mind. It's obvious that I miss you guys. Miss the moments we have, miss everything. Especially when chatting with you guys these few days. Ya, and my memory bring me back to HELP. We attended lectures together, talking craps in the lectures, went to San Franc and HP mamak together, spend all day long there till we could actually skip some class.

The conversation with Melvin refresh my memory:
Kenneth: What is your talent?
Dolly : Dreaming...........
Melvin : (Laughed like nobody business..........)

Exam is coming soon, chatting with Florence make me think of her "bla bla san gong". When you don't know what to write, then CRAP!!! I am impress by our crapping skill, do you think is easy to crap? NOT AT ALL!

When I was down and pissed here, chatting with Peggy or Finny will brighten up my day. They are still humour as ever. Complainning to them, I feel relief, Peggy always listen to my complaints and try to cheer me up. Sometimes when feel no one to depends on, chatting with them make me feel the belonginess, warmness, and I know everything's gonna be alright. After Dao Yong transfer to Adelaide, he becomes another Skype kaki, he and me have endless topic and everything which we can think of could be our topic, just like last time when we car-pooling, traffic jam become nothing because we realize the distance is so near when we were busy talking.

At night, craving for food, think of Michele, she's the one who always supper with me late at night. Once hungry, give her a call and she will be willing to accompany me to eat. Sitting in Wong Kok for hours, having her ice coffee and my ice ying-yong, endless topics. And sometimes will called out Rebin, Finny, Melvin to Murni. Opps, our favourite mamak. After everyone transfer, left Rebin and me went to Murni, we still can talk for hours.

Sometimes when bored, like to drive to Bangsar take away Mcd to Finny's house or went to Jalan Batai to look for Carol, two gals went clubbing by their own. Else, can look for Nicky or Yen to go over Ali Maju and have supper. Last time, always go over Jln. Ipoh and look for Kalvin, he knows a lot of places to eat, I love eating the most!!! When I move to Puchong, Dao Yong become my Puchong tour guide...


Clubbing... Everyone of you is clubbing kaki. Maison, Poppy, Zouk? I miss..........

Summer holiday is here/coming soon, most of us will be back to Malaysia... I am so looking forward of it. But there's imperfection, some is not going back =(

Now, I realize life here is so incomplete without you guys, because you all are

I R R E P L A C E A B L E

Study Phobia

I am so sick of studying. Tired, exhausted and bored! These few days, I am living a super dead life. Wake up, lunch, study, online, study, coffee, study, dinner, study+online and sleep.

Sometimes I wonder why am I study so much here? To get a degree, to get a good job, to earn money?! Why not look for a rich and guy and marry, then stay at home and become "siu lai lai". "我要嫁个有钱人!" Hahaha, perhaps I am thinking too much here. Well, I am just crapping here, to release STRESS!

Done with Social but not Health Psyc, both come together. It's interesting when attended social psyc lecture, everything seems like common sense to us, but when I start to study it, I almost freak up. The more common sense I think, the harder to understand and apply. That's what psychology (perhaps is folk psychology), so easy yet so difficult, so near yet so far!

It's time for Developmental Psyc, coming out is my weakest subject-->Neuroscience! Then lastly Research Method which is the closing ceremony for my 2nd year. Then, free?! Paris, honestly, I am not so looking forward, I can imagine how exhausted I am after the last paper. Sick of travelling? Perhaps... I am more looking forward to go home, my lovely home. Now I realize that compared to home, travelling is actually nothing! *Home Sweet Home*, who doesn't want to go home?

Arghhh....... I wish tomorrow is 6th of June............ Sigh........................
Okay, get back to study.......... Wish me luck!

凡人烦事

同样的事情，两个不同的人用不同的方式告诉我，我又不同的感觉和反应。

这一刻，我清楚知道谁是真心对我好，谁不是。I am no more in a dilemma. 有些事情真的是很明显，我早就该知道谁是真心对我，谁珍惜我，谁关心我。我最讨厌被人当玩偶的感觉，我明白每个人都是自私的，但你自私的程度有点令我咋舌。难道你认为这世界上只有你一个人在忙吗？你永远都是那么的自我，你从来都没有去体会一下你身边的人的感受。你只懂得自己的感受，因为你是一个名副其实的自私鬼！但你得空的时候，心情好的时候，就和我聊得没完没了。心情不好或在忙得时候，你仿佛在告诉我不要有事没事就去烦你，妈的！真的是有够“杜兰”。

以前我还会感觉到伤心，失望，生气，现在的我已经没什么感觉了，或许我真的累了，我也不想再这样拉扯下去，我答应过我自己不会为了你这样的一个人让我掉眼泪，让我伤心，原因很简单：因为你不值得这一切！你那一副高高在上的感觉，让我觉得我自己高攀不起，或许我这一辈子都不能和你平起平坐。我不是谦虚，也不是自卑，只是我觉得在你的世界里，只容得下你自己，根本不会有别人！

或许不是你已远离我的世界，而是我已慢慢的离开你的世界！

或许或许，我和你的相识，一开始就是一个错!
抑或许，现在的一切已经不再是当初的那么完美！从对到错，只是因为时间的关系。

Countdown

Finally, I finished my final assignment for my second year. *Relief*, BUT only for a moment, it's time to prepare for final exam, which is after two weeks. Time flies, I can start countdown-ing for everything: final exam, Paris, and GO HOME!!! Can't wait to go home...

Time pass very fast, almost 9 months I am here. 9 months, sometimes I feel so unbelievable I survive happily here. People always say "time flies, people changed". I believe in it, perhaps we are no more walking in the same pace, perhaps you are walking farther and farther from me, and slowly you are walking away from my life. People come and go, it's inevitable. But I appreciate every friend of mine, but sometimes thing doesn't go the way you wish.

Submitted! It's time to study!! Aza-aza Fighting!!!

Countdown...

Countdown...

Countdown...

Happy Birthday Mel~

Happy Birthday Melvin Papa!!

Wow, your birthday celebration this year is without me! Wondering how would it be? You definetely will be missing me a lot, aren't you?

~This is your 21st birthday in Redang Island, 2006~

~Your 22nd Birthday in Pangkor Island, 2007~

This year, 2008, I don't think I will have your birthday celebration photos. Lol. I wish I could be there and celebrate for you, I wish I could, but I am just far apart from you. Nevermind, though it's far, my wishes are always with you, sincerly.

I knew you when you pushed my head and asked me "can you fetch me home?" Hahaha... And our friendship started during Merdeka. I always wonder why can I get so close with you, endless topics, endless lepaking. You've been my close buddy since my college years, not even a buddy, you're just like my father. You always by my side when I was down and sad, wiping my tears away, lend your shoulder to me (telling me your shoulder is very comfortable, lol), giving me the support that I need, and cheer me up with your funny jokes. Even though now we're far apart, but I guess we still have endless topics when we actually meet up one day, right?

~You and Me~

~Mummy and Me was preparing your cake last year~

~Sweet family but KK is not here~

Okay, such a long post for you, touching or not? Lastly, I wish all you wishes come true! And have a wonderful and happy birthday celebration in Adelaide. I will always miss you and hopefully we can meet up real soon!!!

Happy Birthday!

*Huggies*

Random. My Life

Not knowing much is good, especially for a gal? According to somebody, guys normally will go for gals who seem like they need protection. Hmm, I wonder, wonder, wonder... Do all guys behave like that? They don't like a gal who seems strong and tough, and can do most of things by their own? They don't like a gal who is smart, clever, independent and confident? Pig Papa told me before "be weak in order to be strong". Papa and Dao Yong ah kong always come out with their evil thoughts, to train their daughter/grand-daughter to be evil, as evil as she could. She has loads of evil thoughts, evil plans, but apparently she is just too kind for all these, because she is KIND. She will not hurt people! Lol...

Okay, I realize I eat a lot recently, until to the extent that some people started to call me fatty. Gosh, I am a fatty, how possible it is? Just finish Khan's chicken karai and whole plate of rice, steal Muriel's nasi briyani a bit, damn, I am now so full. I'm been eating a lot since Easter Break, my face is getting rounder and rounder, tummy is 2 months old. What to do? I enjoy eating, I love delicious food and deserts. Porridge steamboat coming up soon, host by Aunty Joan, but don't know when. Planning to go over London to look for Kai Lun before he going back Malaysia, but still arranging my timetable, hopefully everything goes smooth.

Oh, that day after rainning, it was rainbow on the sky. It's so awesome, very beautiful. Normally I only see part of the rainbow in Malaysia, but that day I saw the whole curve of the rainbow, just like a colorful bridge. It made up my day, though I remember I was kind of pissed of someone that day.

~Rainbow from my room's window~

~Rainbow~

~Winter goes, spring comes~

Went to clubbing with my buddy and my ah lui last Friday. Not as much as "kakis" like last time, but it's still fun. Because my buddy is a "kaki" clubbing (kaki Maison) as well. We found that our previous life in Sheffield is quite dead, all the photos are about eating and travelling only. So, we decided to pick up our happening life back in KL, know more friends, get more clubbing "kakis", and live a happy life. Hahaha, get back to "pou jing" life.

Clubbing here not as exciting as in Malaysia, different culture, different environment, different music, different feelings.. I still miss those days back, with my "family", must mention the names here-->Kalvin, Yen, Dao Yong, Florence, Melvin, Michele, Carol, Finny, Rebin, Khe Kong, Peggy, She Fong, more and more............ I miss y0u guys, miss those days...

Here are some pictures when we went clubbing in Sheffield :

~Gals~

~ Joan, Muriel, and Dolly~

Sick Fish

I am sick.

I wish I am home now.

I wish someone could be by my side.

Sick in oversea is terrible,

everything by myself.

Two months is not far away,

but I just wanna go home.

Procrastination's thoughts

I wonder why I am so tired recently. At the same time, I just don't have the mood to do anything. I know I just need a good rest, a really good rest. Final exam is coming soon, STRESS! And now, I need to decide for my final year research project and final year essay topic. Due date is near, but I just lazy to use my brain to think about it. Sigh, I know I shouldn't be procrastinating, but I just couldn't get my mind clear enough to think about all these stuffs. Tell me, what should I do to stop procrastinating?!!

Have a talk with my buddy last nite. We agree there is no turning back for certain thing. When a gal loves you deeply, she is willing to do anything without complaining. Even when you hurt her, when you don't appreciate whatever she does, she's still willing to wait for you. But hey, everyone has his/her own limit. When a gal decide to leave you, she means it. Now, you regret and want to learn how to appreciate her. You do so many things to touch her heart, but sad to say, when the feeling is gone, IT'S GONE! No matter how much you do, no feeling, we found the thing you do is very irritating and totally meaningless. The only thing we can say is "everything is too late, is too late for all these, there's no turning back!"

I am just generally speaking from the perception of a gal, no offence. No matter is a guy or gal, appreciate the person who cares so much of you, appreciate the person who loves you, who will stand beside you no matter what happen. Appreciate the person who appreciate you! Don't let everything become a past tense, you just know how to appreciate, but most of the time it's too late! Appreciate what you have, appreciate the present! Don't do something you will regret in the future! It's no point regret if it's already over.

Okay, I know I being crappy in this post. But, I just feel like blogging rather than thinking of my research topic or studying. Somebody out there, please motivate me and support me!!!

p/s: Hey dude, don't forget our EVIL PLANS!!!! Muahahahaha......

Updated. My Life

Tired and exhausted best decribing me now.

Hmm, as usual, you guys know me well, I like to fantasize. Went to Chatsworth House, how I wish my house got such a huge and beautiful garden. I dream again, imagining I have a huge garden, when I am unhappy, I will hide myself at one corner in the garden and don't let anyone find me. Or I will run to the hill next to my house, laying on the grass, looking at the sky. How nice the life could be, I wonder.

~Garden in Chatsworth House~

~The house and the garden~

Just like last time, I used to look at the house from HELP level four and dreaming. Now, I started to dream again, dream dream dream.

Apart from that, it happened to be so lucky I am able to see the football stars from Liverpool FC and Arsenal FC from a close distance. Football is like everything for British, they love football to the extent which I was so impress when I myself experienced it in Anfield, Liverpool. However, the tickets are so so expensive, 150 pounds, oh man, I am speechless...

But, the feeling and atmosphere in the stadium were happening, crowded, and lively. It's amazing................

~Players got down from the coach~

~Crowd outside Anfield~

Just submit my 70% essay. Hopefully it would be alright! After the essay, I already half dead! Thanks shao ye for accompany me in the library till late night and all the motivations!

After all these, it's time to have a break and get back to my normal uni life--> Study!!

Snowy snowy Spring

It's has been snowing for two days. Snowing in the spring,
hmm.... I wonder.........
I walked along the road while it was snowing, it's freezing cold.
I tried to catch the snow using my hand,
is either I couldn't touch the snow, or the snow will melt once it reached my hands.

It's just like something which is not belong to me,
I try to catch it, I try to hold it,
but I just couldn't get it at all...
Even if I able to get it, it's no more that something I want.
Perhaps life is always like that, we will never get what we want!

I'm just too tired and exhausted,
I just need a good rest,
sleeping in the snowy night could be warm as well!
Nitez everyone~

Holiday's thoughts

Hmm, it has been some time I never update my blog. Missing for one week, just came back from Spain few days ago. Didn't tell many people when I left to Spain, didn't contact with most of the people except one or two. I just want to keep myself away from people, to enjoy my holiday to the maximum without thinking of any nonsense. And yeah, I did, I did have a nice and enjoyable holiday there, it's so wonderful.

Back from Spain, I suddenly think of there is no forever winner or loser. It's just like the archictecture period of Gaudi, the design was amazing, but my friend told me the period doesn't last for long. Some people, thought they are the winner most of the time, no matter is in a relationship or in studies, and when they fall, they will say "this is my first time or you are the first person who do this to me!" Oh well, I used to think like that before, but when I have a great fall, the so-called first time, I realize there is no forever winner.

Sigh, a winner always give people the impression of strong and tough. Even though they feel sad and unhappy or experiencing failure, they will pretend nothing happen, pretend to be tough, pretend to be cool, pretend to be happy, pretend to be they are perfect. I agree that sometimes we need to be strong and tough to move on, but why not we just give us a chance to feel exactly what our hearts want us to feel? Some people used to say I always pretend to be happy, haha, it doesn't matter. People who know me well know when I am happy and when I'm not. I used to think that I was a good pretender which will hide my emotions to myself, but in fact I think I am not. Again, people who understand me know I am not!

I kinda think that relationship among people is very complicated, unpredictable, and fragile. Generally I am speaking about all types of relationship, not just about romantic relationship. At a moment, I thought something will remain the same all the time, but I'm wrong. I feel the changes, perhaps you're not the only one who changed, we all changed. Changes is inevitable, when we realize we have different dreams, different pathway, and different thoughts, we know we are on the different way. I kinda annoyed when I know something, I started not to care, I just don't want to care. The more I care, the more depress I am.

Okay, enough of crapping. Forgive me for this long boring post since I never blog for quite some time.

It's time to get back to my 70% essay. NO MORE PROCRASTINATING since I am running out of time! Bless me~

Random thoughts

Today I received the parcel from my sister, I thought is the one which I thought is lost, but is not!! 以为失而复得，却是一场空。That means I lost my roxy sandals, I know is not a big deal, many people told me it doesn't matter, get a new one, but sometimes it's just not about getting a new one or not, something just have specific meaning to me.

Okay, I know I might be antisocial at here, it's so unlike me. I don't feel like going clubbing, just like tonite, I went to a pub/club, but I get so annoyed by the music, and when I drink my cocktail, OMG, I just feel like puking. Only 12 am, and I was so eager to go home, again, it's so unlike me. I told Peggy, she said is so unbelievable I behave like this in the pub. Furthermore, I told her I rather stay in the library till 2am than go clubbing/drinking. I didn't say that I never clubbing in UK before (just in case someone said I pretend to be good), it's just I don't feel like clubbing here... Hmm, I wondering why...

有人曾经跟我说过，爱你的人你是不会珍惜的，但你却会一直执著于一个不爱你的人。我说人嘛，就是犯贱的，永远只会追求一些得不到的东西。难道错过的和得不到的永远都是最美好的吗？为什么总是要眺望远方寻找你所谓的对的人和物？或许在你身边就有值得你去珍惜的人和物呢？ 有时，留意一下身边的一切，人往往就会忽略了身边的一切。珍惜眼前人啊！

I could never predict what my life would be, the only thing I know is to move on... One day, I will find my answer. So, just move on and stay strong!

A short update

I am tired and exhausted, haven't been sleeping for more than 30 hours. For my lovely attitude essay... Sigh...

Gym and swimming in the morning, rush to class, went to shopping and eat eat eat for the whole day. I just don't feel like going home for some reason. I am happily shopping and eating with baby Pricilla today. For those who know me well, I love to eat and shop when I was unhappy and stress.

Receiving birthday cards yesterday has cheer up my day! Thanks my deary sister, Rynn, Michele and Peggy. The cards mean a lot to me. And the bookmark my sister gave me, her words of courage is the strength to keep me alive, to keep me move on.

Sometimes, being kind and nice is so tiring, it's meaningless being nice and appreciate the people who don't appreciate you. Stop being a fool, I will just live my own life, being who I am. Who cares whatever happen. So, I don't want to care, whatever happens I also don't wish to know.

I appreciate people who appreciate me,
I care people who care of me,
I love people who love me.

After all, it's time to love myself more~

Dolly's 21st birthday~

Finally I am 21st!!! I have a wonderful, unforgettable, sweet birthday. Honestly, this is the most surprising and touching birthday celebration I ever have. I thought I gonna have a lonely 21st birthday here, but it is not!!! The birthday celebration makes me feel warm in this type of cold weather.

Unfortunately, some of your acting skills need to be improve, but it's still consider a surprise for me. I was like asking everyone for dinner, everyone was saying they are busy this and that, come out with all sort of excuses, omg, you guys actually were cheating on me! Everything was so surprising me, I am *speechless* :p

~Me with the birthday card~

~Tasha, Dolly, Pricilla and Yee Huai~

~Joan, Tasha and Dolly~

~Muriel, Yee Huai, Dolly and Hui Yiang~

~Sweet gals who celebrate my 21st birthday with me~

~Thanks Yee Huai/Wei Jin for the handmade lovely cake~

~With the Boss and Lady Boss~

~Thanks Muriel and Pricilla for the sweet present~

~I appreciate the effort of you gals, touch~

It's a wonderful night for me!! And it will definetely be my sweet memory and I will remember I have you guys in Sheffield!!! I appreciate all these and thanks a lot a lot. Thanks to Weng Tze, Jiar Li and Smin also for the lovely card and cute sweet handbag.

Huggies and Loves---> From me!!!

Yay! Dolly is 21st..... Hehehe.......

Liverpool Trip

Just came back from Liverpool day trip with Pricilla, Fabian and Muriel. The trip was great though we are tired, thanks guys for the wonderful trip.

We took the 8.20am train to Liverpool, everyone looks sleepy-->coffee to keep us awake! I think the "coffee uncle" get annoyed by us. Lol...The scenery along the journey is very beautiful and nice.

Reached Liverpool about 10 am. Went to the city center of Liverpool. Normal UK city center, but the feeling was like we were not in UK, but in Malaysia, very homey and comfortable.Liverpool's Cathedral. It's super windy outside. I nearly blow away by the wind.

Liverpool's Chinatown. A very quiet street with not much people, perhaps it's still early. Decided to have lunch in a Chinese Restaurant. Unfortunately, they didn't serve dim sum, so, we just ordered a 2 persons set meal and soups.

That's our lunch. Thanks baby Pricilla for preparing the crispy duck wrap for us. It's sweet. Cheers without purpose but just to finish the wine (but we didn't finish).

Horse's car tour. It's very fun and enjoyable. Walked around the city center, we think that is the most worth activity in Liverpool. Everyone walking down the street looking at us, so funny. The horse is cute, is so furry, at least is something special during the trip.

Albert Dock. Went to museum and took pictures around the dock. It's really the most cultural city-->Liverpool.

Went to Anfield, sadly the stadium is closed as well as the shops. Hmm, it's an old stadium compared to Chelsea, Old Trafford and St. James Park.

The trip was really nice. Sadly, we have no enough time to go to the beach. Muriel, promise we will bring you to the beach one day ya! Thanks Muriel for doing research until 4am. Thanks Pricilla for the photo's session, crapping with me along the journey. Thanks Fabian came all the way from Newcastle to accompany your baby Pricilla and her friends. Haha... I enjoyed it very much, and looking forward the Spain trip during easter break.