A brand new dream

It has been some time I live without much motivation, dreams, and target... When everything doesn't go the way I expected, I feel disappointed, lost and get confuse of what I want next... Friends transfered and will transfer in these few months time, but I still don't know what I want.. Very moody and emo this few weeks, don't feel like I am a part in this world, I just can't feel my existence...

Many people told me actually I know what I really want deep in my heart, it's just I don't dare to face it and don't have the braveness to make a decision... I admit I am not brave enough to make a decision, because I am afraid I make a decision I will regret later in life...

Well well... It's time to be clear, it's time to wake up from confusing, it's time to come out from the emo world... And I am ready to make a decision, a choice which I think I won't regret in my life... We learn to be tough from experiences, and I know I will become tougher after making this decision... Nothing can beat me right?

Specially to............

Congratulations to Melvin and Michele, finally both of you could transfer to Adelaide... This is a post specially for both of you... I knew both of you since first semester in HELP, and it's great knowing you all! When I drive along the road near HELP and LDP, the memories we had flash into my mind.......

Michele: When I was in wong kok, I think of you automatically... There's the place we always hang out together, it seems like the only place we could hang out in SS2... I enjoy the time we had, having girl's talk and gossiping... I very happy to have you everytime I was down, stress and unhappy, you didn't talk much, but you lend your ears to me... Still remember when we did our research methods presentation, I was super stress, and you were beside me listen to my complains and comfort me , it means a lot to me, really!!! We went clubbing together and we definetely will not be early in clubs, until now I still don't know what is the reason? The last time both of us sat in station one, we saw aeroplane... We were saying it's great if three of us be in the same flight... And I was asking you when can I fly? Now you are going to fly, I will be looking at you in station one...

Melvin: Why did I call you during merdeka year 2005 and why did you go out with me?? This was the funniest thing we did! Honestly, you quite understand me... And you were beside me the most suffer and painful time I had! Thanks for the shoulder you lend me everytime I cried! But, stop asking questions regarding CC, it's over... Don't use theories to talk to me or else I will sleep again! You played an important role during clubbing, save me from "dangerous" everytime and I know you are tired of that! You were telling me as long as we still like to eat maggie, we are still good friends, I shall open webcam and eat maggie with you! Oh my god, no one will accompany me to jusco testing the food and looking for handsome waiters... And can't beat and boom you anymore... You are free from that!

It's a nice time being together with you guys! Both of you are my good "daddy" and "mummy"! I shall meet you all in Adelaide if I got the chance... If I am not going to adelaide, we shall meet in Malaysia... where??? One utama secret recipe where we went after exam? Or yippie cup where we countdown for Valentine's day 2006? For sure, I will miss you guys a lot..........

Take care Mel pig and Mich "char siew pau" ................. Sincerly from Dolly............

Should I or Shoudn't I

Just some questions here: Should I go to meet the psychologist on Monday? If I meet the psychologist, anyone can guarantee I can get my visa before Thursday?

Here, I just analyze the time I left in order to fly to Australia--->I meet the psychologist on Monday, she need to write a report, I need to send it back to the clinic in SS2 (I assume all these could be done on Monday). Then, the doctor need to send the report to Perth, so it will arrives on Tuesday or Wednesday... Australia need at least one day to look through my report and process my visa, so can I get my visa on Thursday? And fly on that day as well? The question after that, does the plane has any seat on that day itself?
I personally think that it is too risky!!! And should I take the risk?

If I am not able to go over Australia this July, should I defer it to next year February or go to UK this september? Too many things need to take into consideration, and now I still debating which choice should I make. After all, this is a major choice I need to make in my life... Can't things in this world become simple? Can't we just make the decision without considering so many things? The answer is can't, we always choose the best among all, right?

Hopeless post

What is the problem with underweigh? I don't know why... I just knew that I already fedup with australia and not interested to go there anymore... Seriously I am very very tired--->with the stupid medical report, blood-test, meeting psychologist, visa.......... Yea, I need to see a psychologist now, not because of having any eating disorder, it's just I think myself got bit abnormal! Everyone has his/her own limits, and these things are trying to cross my boderline, testing my patience and EQ......

I feel like crying, shouting out as loud as I can, but I can't... My house don't allow me to do so... When I cry, they asked me why I cry and tell me that I am so stupid and useless... But do you know keeping all the feelings inside the heart is very suffer? I can't express it at all, I don't know my heart can carry how much of these? All I want just some words of encouragement, and supports from you all.... I know you want me to be strong, but I ain't a robot or a computer which receive every single order from you... I am a human, a human with feelings, I can't be strong all the time... When I met with difficulties, failure or even troubles, some supportive action will do... Just let me cry, let me express my feelings, let me be a weak gal, at least once...

I seriously don't know what to do......... The choice isn't my choice... I regret!!! After all, I just knew I never had a choice...

STOP asking me

STOP asking me when is my visa could be done!!!

DON'T ask the question which even I myself don't know the answer!

WHY I need to make this choice??? To go to Australia???

I am TIRED of these questions already........................

PLEASE, give me some space to BREATH.....................

I am seriously TIRED, FRUSTRATED, DISAPPOINTED, ANGRY, and WORRY!!!

A stressful week I had

At the first place, I should be in the plane now... 07/07/07, what a nice date, I should leave Malaysia and start my new life in Adelaide, Australia... But, now I am still in KL, just because the embassy hasn't approve my student visa... I waited for so long, and the feeling in past few days was like terrible, deciding whether to change my air ticket... At the same time, I afraid that my student visa will be approve if I had change my air ticket... It's so CONTRADICTORY!!! I just want to know what is the problem with my student visa??!! What take them so long to approve my student visa??!!

And of cross, I cried, for twice... The first time I cried is because I was worry I can't smoothly transfer to Aus today, and the reality showed I can't... The second time I cried is because I can't transfer on today itself... My friends actually told me maybe is a good thing to transfer later so I can spend more time in Malaysia... Yea, it is a good thing, but still I am psychologically prepare to leave on today, and I don't like things changing and changing in a short period of time! I was sad because my things just couldn't be done smoothly and I need to make a lot of choices...

Cry, is to release my feelings and emotions deep inside my heart after a long time of keeping them inside the heart... After cried, I feel better seriously... I think people who can cry is better than those who can't cry... Hiding the feeling behind a happy and smily face is very suffer and unhealthy... But still, everyone has the different ways to express feelings!

An unhappy and tension week I had... Bless me everything will go smoothly in the following days, weeks, years.................

Frustrated

Oh my god! I am leaving for australia on July 7th, but my student visa still haven't approve yet!!! Can anyone tell me what should I do?? The agent just ask me to wait wait wait and check my mail regularly... Te worst is if I am not able to take my visa before 7th, how? I need to cancel off my flight, cancel off my temporary accomodation, but still I need to pay for them... Haih, haih, haih~~ I am afraid I gonna miss the orientation and all that!!!

Pray for me please... To transfer smoothly~~