Boring and meaningless Saturday

I am having a long long holidays now... I know there are many things to be settle, but I am just lazy, not in the mood of settle anything, keep delaying, until one day I suddenly have the urge to do so... I don't understand why everything need to be on the same time?! Why must I always make the choice, to think which is more important? Why can't things arrange perfectly so I will not miss out any one of them? I need some perfection now.......

I am super boring during this unexpected holidays. Everyday stay at home facing the laptop, other than that, nothing much I could do. The life somehow is meaningless and bored, just feel like leaving this city for some time, to clear up my mind. I need a vocation, far far away from this city, but where to go, I have no idea! Suddenly pop up an idea, use my air ticket to go over australia and play! Since I need to pay RM300 if I cancel my ticket, might as well I use the ticket to go over there! Wahaha! Wahaha! ~Syok Sendiri~ Haih, thought my parents are very rich mer? Sure kena from them one if I fly to australia to play... :(

What should I do then? Stay at home everyday?! Live the abnormal life?! Not much friends here, that's the problem! Everyday Mcd, Maggie until I suspect myself got a serious problem. Today is Saturday, is a weekend again! I don't like weekend because the people in my house busy dating; don't feel like going out because everywhere is definetely crowded by people and traffic jam! What a contrast between my house and outside! How should I spend the coming week? Tell me, someone tell me please!

Everyday see you all one pair one pair, you thought I am very happy mer?! Sometimes just don't feel like disturb every pair of you, so I stay in the room and dating with my honey---> laptop! Then, some people will actually ask me"Why everytime I see you also facing the laptop? I would like to know when will you not facing your laptop?" Then, will start introduce a guy to me, and claim that guy is my "bf, darling or whatever".. Oh please, oh please, don't do this to me! I don't like nonsense action like this, when I say I don't like means don't like, when I say I don't want means don't want! Don't try to cross my boderline, don't make me mad! The guy also didn't say he likes me, so stop spreading nonsense around! If he likes me, I would like to tell him "Thanks for liking me and I appreciate it a lot!" Hahaha, mean! If you be nice to me, I would be nice to you; if you trying to test me patience, I could just be as meaner as I wish!

Haih haih.. Suddenly so hot pula! A boring and meaningless Saturday!

I ain't a little girl

Forgive me for behaving in this way! I didn't mean to hurt anyone of you, I didn't mean to... I just don't know how to express my feelings now, it's so complicated! I am stress in front of you all, I don't want you all repeatedly ask the same questions, I am pissed and frustrated with those questions, please.........

Didn't talk to you, doesn't mean I don't care of you, doesn't mean I am changed; I just need some quiet moments to think about my problems, I just hoping to do something I am happy with. Experiences make someone grow, I can't forever be the little gal who wish her mummy always beside her. I am growing, trying to settle problems by myself, trying to make my own decision. It's time to be independent, I can't always live under you protection... Isn't it become mature a good thing? I need to become mature after the incident happened last month! Just give me your support and try to be understanding of what I did, I ain't a little gal anymore!

Recently, I suspect I got bipolar disorder! My mood swing quite often, this minute I could be very happy, talkative,excited, the next minute I could be very quiet, depress, stress, frustrated, moody or even sad! I know some of you experienced that within these few days. I apologise for my sudden change of mood especially on Thursday night... :-)

I know no matter what decision I made, you all still hoping me to go over Australia...

Bless me, to make a firm decision as soon as possible!

Holding or letting go?

August 1st, 2007... Another day for me... Don't know why, I just feel like being quiet today, I just need some time for solitude. I need an "a-ha" moment to make everything clear...

Sometimes, when you know the more, you will think more! Last time, I believe we can go against the fate, I believe we are in control of what we want, I believe we can just go the way we want, but again and again, the reality told me we CAN'T... It's like everything was arranged for everyone naturally, we can't go against it, can't change it, just can accept it...

Just a quote from a movie "When you need to face something, just face it bravely, don't avoid from the problems"...... True enough! Sometimes I just try to avoid from the problems, I just don't want to think, but in the end, I also need to face it and come out with the solution.. I can't run away from it! Give me some time, I will come out with a firm decision...

Now I realize "to have, is good; sometimes, to let go, is even better! " 拥有，是幸福的；有时候放手，也是幸福的！”

A brand new dream

It has been some time I live without much motivation, dreams, and target... When everything doesn't go the way I expected, I feel disappointed, lost and get confuse of what I want next... Friends transfered and will transfer in these few months time, but I still don't know what I want.. Very moody and emo this few weeks, don't feel like I am a part in this world, I just can't feel my existence...

Many people told me actually I know what I really want deep in my heart, it's just I don't dare to face it and don't have the braveness to make a decision... I admit I am not brave enough to make a decision, because I am afraid I make a decision I will regret later in life...

Well well... It's time to be clear, it's time to wake up from confusing, it's time to come out from the emo world... And I am ready to make a decision, a choice which I think I won't regret in my life... We learn to be tough from experiences, and I know I will become tougher after making this decision... Nothing can beat me right?

Specially to............

Congratulations to Melvin and Michele, finally both of you could transfer to Adelaide... This is a post specially for both of you... I knew both of you since first semester in HELP, and it's great knowing you all! When I drive along the road near HELP and LDP, the memories we had flash into my mind.......

Michele: When I was in wong kok, I think of you automatically... There's the place we always hang out together, it seems like the only place we could hang out in SS2... I enjoy the time we had, having girl's talk and gossiping... I very happy to have you everytime I was down, stress and unhappy, you didn't talk much, but you lend your ears to me... Still remember when we did our research methods presentation, I was super stress, and you were beside me listen to my complains and comfort me , it means a lot to me, really!!! We went clubbing together and we definetely will not be early in clubs, until now I still don't know what is the reason? The last time both of us sat in station one, we saw aeroplane... We were saying it's great if three of us be in the same flight... And I was asking you when can I fly? Now you are going to fly, I will be looking at you in station one...

Melvin: Why did I call you during merdeka year 2005 and why did you go out with me?? This was the funniest thing we did! Honestly, you quite understand me... And you were beside me the most suffer and painful time I had! Thanks for the shoulder you lend me everytime I cried! But, stop asking questions regarding CC, it's over... Don't use theories to talk to me or else I will sleep again! You played an important role during clubbing, save me from "dangerous" everytime and I know you are tired of that! You were telling me as long as we still like to eat maggie, we are still good friends, I shall open webcam and eat maggie with you! Oh my god, no one will accompany me to jusco testing the food and looking for handsome waiters... And can't beat and boom you anymore... You are free from that!

It's a nice time being together with you guys! Both of you are my good "daddy" and "mummy"! I shall meet you all in Adelaide if I got the chance... If I am not going to adelaide, we shall meet in Malaysia... where??? One utama secret recipe where we went after exam? Or yippie cup where we countdown for Valentine's day 2006? For sure, I will miss you guys a lot..........

Take care Mel pig and Mich "char siew pau" ................. Sincerly from Dolly............

Should I or Shoudn't I

Just some questions here: Should I go to meet the psychologist on Monday? If I meet the psychologist, anyone can guarantee I can get my visa before Thursday?

Here, I just analyze the time I left in order to fly to Australia--->I meet the psychologist on Monday, she need to write a report, I need to send it back to the clinic in SS2 (I assume all these could be done on Monday). Then, the doctor need to send the report to Perth, so it will arrives on Tuesday or Wednesday... Australia need at least one day to look through my report and process my visa, so can I get my visa on Thursday? And fly on that day as well? The question after that, does the plane has any seat on that day itself?
I personally think that it is too risky!!! And should I take the risk?

If I am not able to go over Australia this July, should I defer it to next year February or go to UK this september? Too many things need to take into consideration, and now I still debating which choice should I make. After all, this is a major choice I need to make in my life... Can't things in this world become simple? Can't we just make the decision without considering so many things? The answer is can't, we always choose the best among all, right?

Hopeless post

What is the problem with underweigh? I don't know why... I just knew that I already fedup with australia and not interested to go there anymore... Seriously I am very very tired--->with the stupid medical report, blood-test, meeting psychologist, visa.......... Yea, I need to see a psychologist now, not because of having any eating disorder, it's just I think myself got bit abnormal! Everyone has his/her own limits, and these things are trying to cross my boderline, testing my patience and EQ......

I feel like crying, shouting out as loud as I can, but I can't... My house don't allow me to do so... When I cry, they asked me why I cry and tell me that I am so stupid and useless... But do you know keeping all the feelings inside the heart is very suffer? I can't express it at all, I don't know my heart can carry how much of these? All I want just some words of encouragement, and supports from you all.... I know you want me to be strong, but I ain't a robot or a computer which receive every single order from you... I am a human, a human with feelings, I can't be strong all the time... When I met with difficulties, failure or even troubles, some supportive action will do... Just let me cry, let me express my feelings, let me be a weak gal, at least once...

I seriously don't know what to do......... The choice isn't my choice... I regret!!! After all, I just knew I never had a choice...