Emo fish

*This is an emotional post, if you are not in a mood to read it, just ignore it, cause it might irritates you* (Tze Lih, 2008)

I am terribly sick, is so suffer. That night, I freaked out because I was so sick, and nobody's at home, it makes me feel worse. I felt so helpless, lonely and tears burst out unintentionally. That was the time when I don't want to go anywhere except HOME! I just wanted to talk to someone, just someone to calm me down. I did call some friends, but most of them are busy with their own things and asked me to rest more, sleep earlier and stay strong. Hey! I know about all these, but I just need someone to talk to, to express what I feel, that's all. But who knows about all these? Apparently not much people know about it and I felt more helpless, non-stop crying. However, there are still friends who care about me, who will do anything just to make me laugh, who will accompany me when I was alone and who will tell me they'll always by myside no matter what happen. (Thx, you all know who you are and specially thanks to muriel to accompany me the whole night in my place!)

Perhaps my sister is right, things will not always appear as what I wish. I can't expect everyone will be there for me everytime right? I can't always depend on people when I was down, right? And I can't expect everyone will care and concern of all the time. Maybe she's right, I shouldn't overlook the problem as it is serious and big, eventually I can overcome it. Many people will ask why was I crying? Many people will scold me crazy because of crying. Laugh at me if you want to, but I am just expressing my emotion, I am just dare and brave enough to face the weak me, the fragile me. Is not like I will collapse there and never move on again after crying. Sometimes we might lost and feel miserable, but eventually we'll find our way.

The world is realistic, it is realistic enough to stop you from having a simple life. But maybe people will say what's the problem for being realistic, I am just doing something to get what I want, it doesn't state in the book that I can't do this and that to achieve what I want right? Who cares? Yeah, it's not wrong, you have the right to go after anything you want, is just I too care of what and how people look/think of me. Whatever things I do, I will think of "if I do this, how people will look at me, will they laugh about me? How will they judge me?" Oh well, some of you are right, I am just thinking too much, think of those consequences which doesn't seem to be important for me to decide a thing. And then now everyone will ask me not to think too much, not to care so much of what people think, the most important thing is how I think about myself. And well, now I am learning not to think too much, not to care, just follow my heart, do anything which I feel like doing. So people who don't understand me, shut you mouth off because whatever I do is NON-OF YOUR BUSINESS!

Just to tell everyone who study/working abroad, sick in oversea is very suffer and you will miss home a lot. So, take good care of yourself and avoid being sick in oversea.