Chinese New Year coming soon, just received the greeting card from my parents days ago. So touching~ Thanks my dearest papa and mummy! People said you will be having homesick especially when Chinese New Year and exams are around the corner. I miss them always, but is not that kind of serious homesick. Not to say I am feelingless, but I believe the strength of a relationship attachment is not about distance and proximity. Even though we are far far apart, but I always feel that they are so close to me, to my heart, and I know they will always be there for me no matter how, it's bring our hearts close to each other everytime.
My parents are so special and unique to me. I feel glad because they let me fall, let me feel the pain, and let me stand up by myself. Since I was a kid, my parents will not check on my homework, will not force me to study, and definetely will not scold me for getting bad results. They told me as long as I tried my best, result is not that important. However, I have expectation on myself, so everytime I was so stress over my studies, my exams, and my parents will surely ask me to chill, to relax. I know my responsibility, they give me everything I need, so I just do my best on my part and make them proud of me!
Many people asked me I choose to study psychology is it because of my parents? Haha, the answer is NOT AT ALL. They give me the chance to choose, they respect my decision, they believe and have faith in me. Even though I might regret of what I choose sometimes, but they didn't blame on me, they want me learn from mistake, and not to repeat the mistake again! The most unforgettable event is when I couldn't get my aus visa, I know they wanted me to go aus so much, but when I said I decided to come UK, they didn't say much but give me all the supports I need. I still remember the sms my dad sent me when he was in Bangkok "dear, no matter where you wanna further your study, I will support you!" And I just couldn't control my tears, the feeling couldn't be describe in words.
I learn to become tough and independent cause I don't want them to worry about me always! I used to be such a fragile and dependent gal especially during national service and make them worry about me so much. After that, I told myself not to make them sad and worry anymore, I must grow up, I must learn to be independent. My parents rarely help me to settle things, I will just tell my dad this and that and he would say "go ahead and settle it by yourself as fast as possible, don't delay it." Although sometimes settling those stuffs are quite troublesome, but I feel the satisfaction, because I am growing up and have the ability to settle things by my own. That's why that day I left KLIA, I didn't let my tears drop. I know my dad work so hard to give me the chance to study abroad, I should come here happily and not to make them worry bout me.
My mother always tell me "live a simple and happy life, you don't need to be somebody!" My dad told me "chances are always for those who are ready for it!" It's kind of contradicting, but I will remember what you all say, always and always!
Tonight, I miss them a lot. Hmmm... 5 months more and I will be able to see them. I feel glad, because they are always close to me. I love you dad and mom, and my sis and bro! I miss you guys!!!
My Memories
Sunday, January 27, 2008
Friday, January 25, 2008
Back to normal
Time flies, without much conscious, one month just gone away, and I had spend my holiday wisely I guess. Full-stop on my holiday, everything's back to normal. Normal days, normal routine, normal lifestyle. It's been freaking tired for the pass few weeks, been travelling around, not enough of rest, so I am seriously exhausted now. I just need a good rest and sleep, for some reason, I couldn't sleep well recently. And what I did yesterday was I planning to take a short nap at 7pm, who knows I woke up at 2.30am, and then stay awake till 7am. I just feel that I couldn't move my body, dizzy and headache all the while... Sighz...
38 gong went back, everything back to position, but it's so quiet without that 38 gong. We spend 2 weeks holiday together, around the UK. He told me the weather in UK is so depressive which will lead us to mild depression. When I was on my way back to Sheffield from London, I was so not used to it, because 38 gong and me rushing for the train everyday. We talked a lot along the journey, not much nonsense and craps, it's just our view and perception of life. Thanks 38 gong, when I was sad and hurt, you chilled me up by doing those stupid nonsense act which make me laugh like hell, it's better than a thousand words, at least laughing really can brush away my problems. We know we are growing up, we know we are no more the persons we were last time. Time change a person, and changing is inevitable. 38 gong told me don't hold on to something which already changed, let go, and move on. I realize our converstation now is full of "haih", remember that night back from York, we sat in Mcd with a cup of hot chocolate, we were looking at the rain, talking about the disappointments in life, sigh for N times, and again, we know, we are growing up, think more. However, we gonna meet up again real soon in Malaysia! Thanks for brighten up my holiday and sharing my feelings!
It's the stressful period, exam is around the corner, the worst is I have no confident at all! Trying to study, but seems like I couldn't remember what am I studying, I feel so stress and nervous. It's unlike last time, when everything could be done on last minute, when the lecturers gave the tips, when final exam only worth for 30%. Now, 100% of my final grade depends on one paper, ONE PAPER! It's either live or die, that's all!
Human, from prenatal throughout the whole life-span, I wonder how many things I need to know? I wonder how many things I need to memorize? I wonder how many psychologists with how many theories, researches, and stages I need to keep in mind even in my dream? Too much of wondering, at the end, I draw a conclusion--> Being a human is hard, study about human is even harder!!! Sometimes, the more I study, the more I don't know about people, and the more contradicting I am...
Okay, it's time to study again! Going to take a warm shower and burn the midnight oil. Bless me, survive throughout this period, and do well in my exam!!! Amitabha!!!
38 gong went back, everything back to position, but it's so quiet without that 38 gong. We spend 2 weeks holiday together, around the UK. He told me the weather in UK is so depressive which will lead us to mild depression. When I was on my way back to Sheffield from London, I was so not used to it, because 38 gong and me rushing for the train everyday. We talked a lot along the journey, not much nonsense and craps, it's just our view and perception of life. Thanks 38 gong, when I was sad and hurt, you chilled me up by doing those stupid nonsense act which make me laugh like hell, it's better than a thousand words, at least laughing really can brush away my problems. We know we are growing up, we know we are no more the persons we were last time. Time change a person, and changing is inevitable. 38 gong told me don't hold on to something which already changed, let go, and move on. I realize our converstation now is full of "haih", remember that night back from York, we sat in Mcd with a cup of hot chocolate, we were looking at the rain, talking about the disappointments in life, sigh for N times, and again, we know, we are growing up, think more. However, we gonna meet up again real soon in Malaysia! Thanks for brighten up my holiday and sharing my feelings!
******************************************************
It's the stressful period, exam is around the corner, the worst is I have no confident at all! Trying to study, but seems like I couldn't remember what am I studying, I feel so stress and nervous. It's unlike last time, when everything could be done on last minute, when the lecturers gave the tips, when final exam only worth for 30%. Now, 100% of my final grade depends on one paper, ONE PAPER! It's either live or die, that's all!
Human, from prenatal throughout the whole life-span, I wonder how many things I need to know? I wonder how many things I need to memorize? I wonder how many psychologists with how many theories, researches, and stages I need to keep in mind even in my dream? Too much of wondering, at the end, I draw a conclusion--> Being a human is hard, study about human is even harder!!! Sometimes, the more I study, the more I don't know about people, and the more contradicting I am...
Okay, it's time to study again! Going to take a warm shower and burn the midnight oil. Bless me, survive throughout this period, and do well in my exam!!! Amitabha!!!
Saturday, January 19, 2008
Random post- 38 gong UK tour
There is a place called HOPE. It is located between Sheffield and Manchester. The scenery over there is amazing, a life far away from the city, from the complicated world. The first thing come into Rebin's and my mind is "This place really give us the feeling of HOPE!" We said it would be wonderful if we spend our time there, laying on the mountain grass, looking at the sheeps, and relax our mind, to keep everything away from our mind.
These few days, we talked a lot, about ourselves, about our life, about the changes we experience. We are tired seriously, and losing patient with the world around us, and we are wondering why are we behave like that? Maybe is because of SAD (seasonal affective disorder), everyone got affected by the weather. The fun part is still acting out those characters in HK series, open you-tube, remember the conversation, and then syok sendiri. Oh, but then we realize somebody is missing, the best actor--->PIG! We think back those days, when four of us (you guys know who you are) spend most of the time together, from midvalley to Jalan Batai then to Station one. Then, the time when Finny, Rebin and me drive all the way from KL to Sitiawan but we ended up in Ipoh. We miss the "innocent" and simple us, just as simple as that...
Apart from that, thanks to 38 gong, let me got the chance to visit to so many places: Edinburgh, Manchester United Old Trafford Stadium, Chealsea Stadium, Newcastle United St. James Park. 38 gong, though is tired, but I think you did brighten up my days and I appreciate everything. Now, you need to bless me study hard and do well in my exam! Oh oh, darling~ Heard that you become thinner, take care of your health! And, thanks for listening to my mumbling that nite. Don't mention those alcohol's name in front of me, or else I will puke again, someone is going to scold me for not taking care of my "notty" gastric again.
After all, we realize we are getting older, talkative still, but with some complicated feeling in it. No more energy and passion to do everything, we only know one word---> TIRED! Where is all the passion and energy gone? We don't know as well! Terrible us, travelling also complain so much. No choice, we are just getting older and useless, 21st coming~ Aiks...
These few days, we talked a lot, about ourselves, about our life, about the changes we experience. We are tired seriously, and losing patient with the world around us, and we are wondering why are we behave like that? Maybe is because of SAD (seasonal affective disorder), everyone got affected by the weather. The fun part is still acting out those characters in HK series, open you-tube, remember the conversation, and then syok sendiri. Oh, but then we realize somebody is missing, the best actor--->PIG! We think back those days, when four of us (you guys know who you are) spend most of the time together, from midvalley to Jalan Batai then to Station one. Then, the time when Finny, Rebin and me drive all the way from KL to Sitiawan but we ended up in Ipoh. We miss the "innocent" and simple us, just as simple as that...
Apart from that, thanks to 38 gong, let me got the chance to visit to so many places: Edinburgh, Manchester United Old Trafford Stadium, Chealsea Stadium, Newcastle United St. James Park. 38 gong, though is tired, but I think you did brighten up my days and I appreciate everything. Now, you need to bless me study hard and do well in my exam! Oh oh, darling~ Heard that you become thinner, take care of your health! And, thanks for listening to my mumbling that nite. Don't mention those alcohol's name in front of me, or else I will puke again, someone is going to scold me for not taking care of my "notty" gastric again.
After all, we realize we are getting older, talkative still, but with some complicated feeling in it. No more energy and passion to do everything, we only know one word---> TIRED! Where is all the passion and energy gone? We don't know as well! Terrible us, travelling also complain so much. No choice, we are just getting older and useless, 21st coming~ Aiks...
Monday, January 14, 2008
Away from my life
Time flies, people changed.
You and me no longer the same.
I miss those warm moments.
Memories,
it's the reason why I hate changes.
It drags me backward,
and I can feel the pain.
I wish to lost my memories now.
It's time to love myself more,
if you are my friends,
just accept who I am.
I need support and cares,
not somebody who tells me
"YOU ARE SUCH A FAILURE!"
I just need some strength and faith,
can I?
I will let go everything,
I will not hold on to it anymore.
I will become who I used to be,
a cheerful gal,
without thinking of YOU!
You and me no longer the same.
I miss those warm moments.
Memories,
it's the reason why I hate changes.
It drags me backward,
and I can feel the pain.
I wish to lost my memories now.
It's time to love myself more,
if you are my friends,
just accept who I am.
I need support and cares,
not somebody who tells me
"YOU ARE SUCH A FAILURE!"
I just need some strength and faith,
can I?
I will let go everything,
I will not hold on to it anymore.
I will become who I used to be,
a cheerful gal,
without thinking of YOU!
Tuesday, January 8, 2008
6 Months back and then
Time flies, chatted with few friends, and know that many people are leaving, to further study in oversea. It's the transfering period again, so fast so fast! Half year ago, I was busy and worry for my transfer stuff, 07/07/07 is still so alive in my memory, but everything wasn't happen that day. Friends told me they worry, nervous, pissed off, disappointed etc, I know the feeling very well, cause I pissed off and disappointed to the most.
Do I hate when people mention about Australia? Yes, I hate. No, I don't. Okay, I hate at the beginning, and now it turns into no feeling. For times, when people mention about Adelaide, I feel like a knife cut into my heart. And when people asked why will I come to UK, friends will "bla bla bla... " help me to answer the question. I know I shouldn't hate the country because it wasn't its fault, but sometimes feeling just something I couldn't control. Yen, I know you could understand the feeling now. It's just I don't have fate with Australia, everything is like being set. I went Australia twice and fell sick twice there! Don't have good impression on Sydney, but my point of view changed when I went to Perth, such a nice and beautiful place. However, it's still not somewhere I belong to.
But when you ask do I regret for coming UK? I will answer you firmly that"I NEVER REGRET!" I don't know why I will say that, but I am not regret and will not regret. Far away from family and good friends, that's the issue cause me hardly to make decision 6 months back. For friends and parents or for myself? My parents hope I could study in Australia because my bro is there, somemore, good friends of mine in Adelaide, it would be nice if I was there with them, because we planned a lot the life there before we leave. After all, I decided to come UK, alone. It wasn't that terrible as what I imagined, it's pretty good, much more better than what I've thought.
Uncertainties, disappointment will become past tense my dear friends! Stand firm, and move on. Wish Dao Yong have a happy life in Adelaide, Tze Lih all the best in Melbourne, Khe Kong enjoy your life in US. And Yen, hopefully you will get your offer letter to Curtin, and I will see you in Perth this year hopefully. All the best and good luck! Most important, keep in touch and take care ya! Lots of misses!
Do I hate when people mention about Australia? Yes, I hate. No, I don't. Okay, I hate at the beginning, and now it turns into no feeling. For times, when people mention about Adelaide, I feel like a knife cut into my heart. And when people asked why will I come to UK, friends will "bla bla bla... " help me to answer the question. I know I shouldn't hate the country because it wasn't its fault, but sometimes feeling just something I couldn't control. Yen, I know you could understand the feeling now. It's just I don't have fate with Australia, everything is like being set. I went Australia twice and fell sick twice there! Don't have good impression on Sydney, but my point of view changed when I went to Perth, such a nice and beautiful place. However, it's still not somewhere I belong to.
But when you ask do I regret for coming UK? I will answer you firmly that"I NEVER REGRET!" I don't know why I will say that, but I am not regret and will not regret. Far away from family and good friends, that's the issue cause me hardly to make decision 6 months back. For friends and parents or for myself? My parents hope I could study in Australia because my bro is there, somemore, good friends of mine in Adelaide, it would be nice if I was there with them, because we planned a lot the life there before we leave. After all, I decided to come UK, alone. It wasn't that terrible as what I imagined, it's pretty good, much more better than what I've thought.
Uncertainties, disappointment will become past tense my dear friends! Stand firm, and move on. Wish Dao Yong have a happy life in Adelaide, Tze Lih all the best in Melbourne, Khe Kong enjoy your life in US. And Yen, hopefully you will get your offer letter to Curtin, and I will see you in Perth this year hopefully. All the best and good luck! Most important, keep in touch and take care ya! Lots of misses!
Friday, January 4, 2008
Where is Dolly?
Holiday, empty house, empty street, but why am I here, alone? It's not I don't have place to go, it's not I don't have friends to hang out with. But, I choose to run back here, away from the people, away from everything, lock myself in the room for days. I don't know why, and I wish to know why. People always say happiness come from a simple life, but is it that easy to live a simple life? I tried so hard to live a simple life, but is my life simple? I have no idea.
I'm trying to be myself, but the more I try, I wondering who I am? Me, a cheerful gal? A tough gal? A gal who doesn't want to lose in everything? A gal who laugh day and night even for a small thing? Where is the gal gone? Where? People say we learn from mistake, but are we sure we are not going to make the same mistake again? When you cry, you are actually freak up the people around you, they will tell you "Don't cry, why everytime you are crying?!" But, why no people will ask "why are you crying? " How could you ask a person don't cry when you don't even know the reason ? Why not you just let her cry, let her release what she wants.
Sometimes it's just hard, when you try to be tough, people ask you to be soft, don't act tough; when you cry, you are weak, people ask why are you so emotional? I am tired and exhausted, I wish there is someone who can lend me a shoulder to lean on, to let me cry, I want to cry! I am trying to let go something which I shoudn't hold on to. Give me some time, and I know I can do it!
Sorry for posting such an emotioanl post in the beginning of new year! My new year resolution is very simple: hold on to what I should hold on at the same time let go something which is not belong to me, clear up my mind, be myself, and live a simple life. Seems simple but I need strength and courage from you guys! Tell me you all will be there for me always!
I'm trying to be myself, but the more I try, I wondering who I am? Me, a cheerful gal? A tough gal? A gal who doesn't want to lose in everything? A gal who laugh day and night even for a small thing? Where is the gal gone? Where? People say we learn from mistake, but are we sure we are not going to make the same mistake again? When you cry, you are actually freak up the people around you, they will tell you "Don't cry, why everytime you are crying?!" But, why no people will ask "why are you crying? " How could you ask a person don't cry when you don't even know the reason ? Why not you just let her cry, let her release what she wants.
Sometimes it's just hard, when you try to be tough, people ask you to be soft, don't act tough; when you cry, you are weak, people ask why are you so emotional? I am tired and exhausted, I wish there is someone who can lend me a shoulder to lean on, to let me cry, I want to cry! I am trying to let go something which I shoudn't hold on to. Give me some time, and I know I can do it!
Sorry for posting such an emotioanl post in the beginning of new year! My new year resolution is very simple: hold on to what I should hold on at the same time let go something which is not belong to me, clear up my mind, be myself, and live a simple life. Seems simple but I need strength and courage from you guys! Tell me you all will be there for me always!
Wednesday, January 2, 2008
Holiday@ New Year
Happy new year 2008 everyone!!!
I just came back from portsmouth today, it's so tiring. Well, I have an enjoyable and wonderful trip to Switzerland, 6 cities in 8 days, is a nice experience for me. However, it is freaking tired after the trip. Everything in Switzerland is expensive, very expensive, so basically I just bought chocolates from there!
London, big city, crowded and happening, and the sales is killing me, I wanted to buy a lot a lot of things, but I am broke now, seriously broke, which make me hate the"SALES" word. And, finally I was able to drink my favourite drink-->cold "ying yong" in London which I miss it a lot.
Portsmouth, I kinda tired when I was in Portsmouth and lazy to walk around, but thanks to shean wei for your wonderful cooking skills. Thanks for bringing me to Brighton, I love Brighton a lot, the street, the sea view and the theme park!
I just came back from portsmouth today, it's so tiring. Well, I have an enjoyable and wonderful trip to Switzerland, 6 cities in 8 days, is a nice experience for me. However, it is freaking tired after the trip. Everything in Switzerland is expensive, very expensive, so basically I just bought chocolates from there!
London, big city, crowded and happening, and the sales is killing me, I wanted to buy a lot a lot of things, but I am broke now, seriously broke, which make me hate the"SALES" word. And, finally I was able to drink my favourite drink-->cold "ying yong" in London which I miss it a lot.
Portsmouth, I kinda tired when I was in Portsmouth and lazy to walk around, but thanks to shean wei for your wonderful cooking skills. Thanks for bringing me to Brighton, I love Brighton a lot, the street, the sea view and the theme park!
Okay, I will just post some pictures here, others will be uploaded in facebook or friendster later on.
~Switzerland~
~Me~
~Christmas Eve dinner~
~Kim Fong, Me and Pan pan~
~New year eve@ Portsmouth~
~Brighton~
Okay, it's time to rest before the next journey, london again on 12th January when Rebin pays a visit to UK. Then Manchester, Liverpool, York?! I am looking forward for it, so let's study first.
Happy New Year once again and may all the wishes come true in year 2008. New year, new beginning, it's time to let go something you should let go and start a brand new day with new people and new thing. Make a wish, then move on. Hope always make life moves on, to become a better life!
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