Uncertainties, Life and Me

Again, this holiday, I realize nothing is eternal and thing doesn't go the way we wish. Well, everything is kinda fragile, maybe within few seconds, everything can be totally different and everything will only turn into history. I have done all I can, now just let natural takes place. I think truth is not how you explained it, truth is you believe in yourself, and is not about how others look at you. Time is a great tool, as time goes by, nothing can destroy truth!

Suddenly, I miss my buddies who are in Adelaide. I know, they will always by my side no matter what happen. Here come a question, did I make a right choice or wrong choice last year when I decided to go to UK? If I am in Adelaide, I think I will be very happy and many things will not happen. However, I did know some great friends over UK. There's always a chance to turn back, to transfer to Adelaide, right? Will I make this U-Turning? I always told people that the happiest time I have is during my college life, I met a bunch of "crazy" people, they are all cherish, perhaps they are more mature than I am, both chronologically and mentally. The cherish them always brighten up my days and my life!

Sigh, I am so confuse, confuse over something. Nevermind, life still moves on. Things which are unhappy just leave it behind. As someone told me before I have survive strongly in UK, so just don't give up and move on. I will always stay strong and stay tough and will not easily give up!
Bless me, wish me, and always be by my side~

Summer Holiday

Finally I am updating my blog. Hmm, time flies, month after month just pass like that. My feelings are complicated now. Sometimes I feel like going back to UK soon, sometimes I don't feel like going back. I know I always contradict with myself, I just don't know what I want, don't know what he wants, don't know what she wants, and don't know what they want!

Just came back from Miri, Brunei, and Sibu. Well, it's a nice and relaxing trip. The hosts are especially great. Specially thanks to Pricilla, Julian, Kevin, and of cross their family. People said it's hard to look for a close friend, then probability is low to meet a person, to know him/her, and become close friend. I'm glad that I have not only one good friend, I have you all. We met in other's country but we become good friends. Once again, Happy 21st Birthday to Baby Pricilla and I believe you have a wonderful birthday party and I am glad that I was able to attend your grand birthday party. May all your wishes come true!!!

If you ask me what I think about this summer holiday, I would say relax and relax. Summer, always give people the impression of cherish, brightness, full of energy and hope. If you ask me what else I want to do during this summer holiday, I would say I want to go to an island or beach, lay myself down on the beach and enjoy the natural scene and the sea. Wow, that's what I wanted to do most now! I miss the Redang trip 2 years back where there is only beaches and friends. Sigh, wonder when can I go to enjoy my beach holiday again!

Well, I think I shall stop here and I will update again about my summer holiday! Happy happy everyone!!! Muaksss.....

Leave Me Alone

I'm a distance away from my dreams again!

3 marks, and you drove me farther.

I can't afford to fail, to lose.

I'm just having expectation on myself,

but expectation turns into diappointment.

I realize,

things are not always easy,

I should accept the truth.

I wanted to cry, cry, cry.

So, just leave me alone for a moment,

to ruminate, to reflect, to be in solitude.

LEAVE ME ALONE!

Folk Psychology

WTF!!! Why people think that I am a Psychology Student and I should know everything about human? Repeatedly, they assumed I am a ROBOT, not a human. If I don't know how to angry, if I don't know how to get sad, if I don't have emotions, if I don't have feelings, then am I the human I should be?

Don't come over and tell me "you are psychology student, you should know why you get angry, you should think about the whole situation before you act, you should support others, and not get angry with others!" OMG, when I was angry, will I still able to reason what the hell am I get angry of all these and what other ways beside get angry? I am a psychology student but at the same time I am a human.

What I learned is not really about what people think I've learned. Reading your mind? Hypnosis? Knowing all about you? Stop making all these assumptions!!! I am so sick of all these! If study Psychology meant to lead us towards perfection and if it meant to be a cure for all psychotic syndrome, why not everyone take out Psychology course?

Reality

I have something in my mind which I couldn't utter.

I wonder, why must I feel the way I feel now?

I don't know who to tell, who to share.

Perhaps I am expecting too much?

I thought it goes the way I thought.

Too much of fantasize,

everything is perfect in my wonderland.

But the reality shows it is not,

nothing is perfect.

Everything is just my imaginery.

Back here,

I am nothing.

I will stop dreaming,

because I am tired of all these~

My days back here

I am back to my hometown finally. Home sweet home~ is how I feel now. Last night I have the best sleep since I came back Malaysia. Not much changes here, both people and the environment.

Now, I am having a dilemma here, to accept that internship or to apply for another internship/job/volunteering work? I was thinking this summer break, hmm, summer, should have enjoy my summer to the fullest; at the same time doing nothing make my summer meaningless as well. I am not desperately need a job for money, I just want to gain some experiences, practical life experiences. I feel so contradicting, I wish to work and I wish to travel around at the same time, but both couldn't come together I guess. Sigh...

Okay, back here, went out with my high school friends, as usual, our beloved gathering place, PCB beach. Not much people here, they going to start a new sem soon, so basically I have not much friends left here. The gathering was great, able to catch up with them since 1 year I guess. As I said, nothing much changed, we are still as 38 as ever, especially their interest in those rumours has never changed. I used to hate rumours when I was still in my secondary school, but now, haha, who cares? I explained and if people still insist the rumour is true, well, just let it be, I can't stop people from thinking and talking that way, so, why I care? Perhaps people just curious, yeah man, curiosity kills!

Oh well, I've been not updating my blog for quite some time, because I just don't know what to write. No feel, nothing much happen, so I'll just keep it blank. Wow, time flies, almost one month since my holiday. Arghh, gonna appreciate my time here....... Oh, finally I am able to meet up Yen, the forever busy woman, have a nice talk in both KLCC and SS2. Almost the same time last year and this year, both of us will be around KLCC-- Last year she accompany me to do my visa, this year she wait for me to interview. Huhu, but she's going to transfer to Australia soon again! Why all my good good friends are there? Nevermind, one day I shall fly there and meet up with you guys! I promise! Able to meet up with YeeLeng, Rebin too, went Poppy together and have a nice time too. Then then, have dinner and movie with Racheal, Nicky and She Fong. Haven't meet up with my darling yet. Darling!!! Gonna meet you up real soon!!!

Okay, I shall update again! Bye for now!

The World and Me

Finally I got a chance to blog. I am back in Malaysia for exactly one week.

I am sort of relief now, get the inspiration from someone's blog. Lucky me, I always get inspiration when I was lost. It's been almost 9 months in the other side of the world. Yes, I survive! At times, I always ruminate in UK, maybe that's the reason why gals are as twice as higher to diagnose with depression than guys. But, I think I learn a lot, really a lot.

The world is so big, and I am only a small small part in this world. When I look wider, my problems are actually not that big. When why are we keep on focus on the same thing all the time. Maybe we have too much, we have everything, perhaps that's why we have so much time and energy to think of some nonsense. Imagine, if you don't have enough food to eat, don't have a place to stay, will you still think of all those crappy relationship thingy?! I bet you won't. Walking down the street in Paris, saw all kinds of people, from different status, living a different life. The moment you are enjoying your happiness, other people might suffering from poverty, starving or other trauma.

I like the quote from my friend's personal msg something like "the happiest person is someone who appreciate what he/she has." I think I should not ruminate that much now onwards. I will just appreciate what I have now. Whatever happens I will try to face it, accept it, and let go it. “面对，接受，放下”.

I am tired, it's time to leave, leave everything which is not belong to me. Life is uncertain, everything just let it be natural. No matter how, there's always a way, even there is a dead end, turn back and walk again, I'll find my way! Cheers to everyone and me~