I'm back!

I am finally back in UK! And it's been a long time since my last update. Jet-lag is making me feel so tired and exhausted. Unpacking and packing stuff is killing me, I am freaking tired, tired, and tired. Well, the weather now is not bad, kind of sunny, it's rare to have such a beautiful sunny day.

Sigh, I think my body is in UK but my heart and soul still in Malaysia. I just can't really feel everything around me, and I just can't feel my existence here. Well, things are slightly different from last year. Now, I am no more a lost fish in Sheffield who previously don't know anything about here, I don't really need to depend on others. Is a good thing but meanwhile I just feel more lonely compare to last year. It's like not much people I can talk to, it makes me feel there is one thing less in UK. Perhaps I don't have the internet connection now, still need to apply for it. Without internet, my life is so dead, is like losing connection with the outside world. I wish I could get it fast, else I will die of bored here!

Okay, I will update more once I got the internet connection!

My summer should end here

I think my summer break should stop here. No one wants the holiday to end so fast, but seriously I think many things happened during this holiday, I hope everything will come to an end. Now I realize, sometimes knowing much is not a good thing either. There's something which I wish I will not know forever, knowing too much sometimes will make you think you are a fool, a stupid idiot.


Whatever happened these months make me thinks that sometimes people around me are quite scary. I wonder which person is a true friend of mine and which person is just like pretending to be a good person. Now I know, people will not turn to evil reasonless, sometimes life and experiences just push people towards the corner, force to be an evil. Will I become an evil then? I wish I will not, but after so many things, I just need to protect myself so I wouldn't get hurt anymore, forgive me, it's a self-defense mechanism, I need to be selfish sometimes. No worries, I know deep inside my heart, turning into an evil is not easy, but who knows?

I did mention before there's always turning back, but is it for everything? Now I am kind of exhausted, I just don't want to care, whatever happened is already happened, we can't change it. Wound will be cure but scar will always be there. Sometimes it's too late for everything, but I hope everything isn't too late for me! Sometimes being good to others mean being evil/harsh to ourselves. Lastly lastly, you're just the one who being hurt and feel sad. So, why should I bother to treat people good anymore?

Well, this might be an emotional post which is full of anger and disappointment. But, things are so uncertain in our life, I never know what is going to happen next. Mind is blank and heart is empty, guess I need some time to find my way back! Sorry, if you guys find out the dolly here is not the dolly you know (at least for this moment). Bless me!

Uncertainties, Life and Me

Again, this holiday, I realize nothing is eternal and thing doesn't go the way we wish. Well, everything is kinda fragile, maybe within few seconds, everything can be totally different and everything will only turn into history. I have done all I can, now just let natural takes place. I think truth is not how you explained it, truth is you believe in yourself, and is not about how others look at you. Time is a great tool, as time goes by, nothing can destroy truth!

Suddenly, I miss my buddies who are in Adelaide. I know, they will always by my side no matter what happen. Here come a question, did I make a right choice or wrong choice last year when I decided to go to UK? If I am in Adelaide, I think I will be very happy and many things will not happen. However, I did know some great friends over UK. There's always a chance to turn back, to transfer to Adelaide, right? Will I make this U-Turning? I always told people that the happiest time I have is during my college life, I met a bunch of "crazy" people, they are all cherish, perhaps they are more mature than I am, both chronologically and mentally. The cherish them always brighten up my days and my life!

Sigh, I am so confuse, confuse over something. Nevermind, life still moves on. Things which are unhappy just leave it behind. As someone told me before I have survive strongly in UK, so just don't give up and move on. I will always stay strong and stay tough and will not easily give up!
Bless me, wish me, and always be by my side~

Summer Holiday

Finally I am updating my blog. Hmm, time flies, month after month just pass like that. My feelings are complicated now. Sometimes I feel like going back to UK soon, sometimes I don't feel like going back. I know I always contradict with myself, I just don't know what I want, don't know what he wants, don't know what she wants, and don't know what they want!

Just came back from Miri, Brunei, and Sibu. Well, it's a nice and relaxing trip. The hosts are especially great. Specially thanks to Pricilla, Julian, Kevin, and of cross their family. People said it's hard to look for a close friend, then probability is low to meet a person, to know him/her, and become close friend. I'm glad that I have not only one good friend, I have you all. We met in other's country but we become good friends. Once again, Happy 21st Birthday to Baby Pricilla and I believe you have a wonderful birthday party and I am glad that I was able to attend your grand birthday party. May all your wishes come true!!!

If you ask me what I think about this summer holiday, I would say relax and relax. Summer, always give people the impression of cherish, brightness, full of energy and hope. If you ask me what else I want to do during this summer holiday, I would say I want to go to an island or beach, lay myself down on the beach and enjoy the natural scene and the sea. Wow, that's what I wanted to do most now! I miss the Redang trip 2 years back where there is only beaches and friends. Sigh, wonder when can I go to enjoy my beach holiday again!

Well, I think I shall stop here and I will update again about my summer holiday! Happy happy everyone!!! Muaksss.....

Leave Me Alone

I'm a distance away from my dreams again!

3 marks, and you drove me farther.

I can't afford to fail, to lose.

I'm just having expectation on myself,

but expectation turns into diappointment.

I realize,

things are not always easy,

I should accept the truth.

I wanted to cry, cry, cry.

So, just leave me alone for a moment,

to ruminate, to reflect, to be in solitude.

LEAVE ME ALONE!

Folk Psychology

WTF!!! Why people think that I am a Psychology Student and I should know everything about human? Repeatedly, they assumed I am a ROBOT, not a human. If I don't know how to angry, if I don't know how to get sad, if I don't have emotions, if I don't have feelings, then am I the human I should be?

Don't come over and tell me "you are psychology student, you should know why you get angry, you should think about the whole situation before you act, you should support others, and not get angry with others!" OMG, when I was angry, will I still able to reason what the hell am I get angry of all these and what other ways beside get angry? I am a psychology student but at the same time I am a human.

What I learned is not really about what people think I've learned. Reading your mind? Hypnosis? Knowing all about you? Stop making all these assumptions!!! I am so sick of all these! If study Psychology meant to lead us towards perfection and if it meant to be a cure for all psychotic syndrome, why not everyone take out Psychology course?

Reality

I have something in my mind which I couldn't utter.

I wonder, why must I feel the way I feel now?

I don't know who to tell, who to share.

Perhaps I am expecting too much?

I thought it goes the way I thought.

Too much of fantasize,

everything is perfect in my wonderland.

But the reality shows it is not,

nothing is perfect.

Everything is just my imaginery.

Back here,

I am nothing.

I will stop dreaming,

because I am tired of all these~