Emo-ing

It's 2009 now. Think back of 2008, there's so many things happened and which indirectly change my life now. Sometimes was thinking looking forward for a simple life but is not easy at all. Is not that I don't want, people and environment just don't allow me to be simple. I do not want to involve in something, eventually I need to be involved. If I don't, people will think I am selfish, I am fake. But hey man, this world doesn't always appear to be what you expect it to be. Why want me to choose? To choose the either one? I don't want to choose cause I don't want to lose anyone. But sometimes being nice to people is just like using the knife to hurt yourself. Who cares? People told me that I am stubborn, I will not admit my mistake even is my fault. But why you wanna pull me inside the ocean when you know I don't know how to swim? Why you wanna tell me all these when you know I am not firm enough to handle this, when you know I always being sensitive?

This time, I admit is my fault not fully trusted you. I am not in a position to judge that's why I don't want to be involved. I am not being fake, is just I am too scare to lose all friends. What I feel now? Seriously I am feelingless, started to think I am on my way to become cold blooded. This is not the single case. Time flies, people changed. I am that type of person who doesn't like changes. But now, I just didn't cry and I really can't feel the pain and sadness anymore. Maybe I am immuned to it, maybe I am numb. I've been tearing alot last year, but it only makes u weak and irritates other people. You know, I wanted to cry recently, but I realize I couldn't, I just don't know how to cry anymore. Sometimes I was thinking of giving up, giving up everything.

"Only tough people can make it to the last." But my friends used to tell me to be weak, don't be too strong. Haha, what a contradiction. Weak? I was weak before, but it irritates people and nowadays not only weak gals will get the attention. In contrast, in times we just need to be tough, independent, and smart enough to stand by ourselves. Depend on yourself before you try to depend on others. In this realistic world, I need to be tough and I always need to depend on myself when facing problems. I could complain and could get comfort from family and friends, but lastly I am still the one who is going to solve them out. Don't try to get sympathy from other people, we need to respect ourselves before others respect us. So, chill Dolly! Give up what you should give up, and move on cheerfully. I know you can, have faith!

I am back!

Happy New Year everyone! Well well, I am late, forgive me for never update my blog for about one month. I was back in Malaysia and now I am back!!! Did you guys miss me while I was away? Lol, just kidding. Okay, so how was my trip back home? It was nice, it was fun and I was so reluctant to come back here. I miss my days there, with family and friends, hanging around, even stay at home by itself is nice and comfortable!

Back here, I was so stress and tired because of exam, but this time suprisingly I don't really feel nervous and unprepared like I did, though I might not be preparing well. The first paper wasn't so good, but again I don't feel that sad and worry. Since when I become so feelingless? Am I too exhausted to feel anything or am I already used to and feel numb towards those negative feelings? I think so too.............

Okay, let's enjoy some pictures from Malaysia:

~Family in Concorde Hotel, KL~

~Yen and Me at MOS~

~Acting cute? Acting silly?~

~Carol and Dolly in MOS~

~Me, Yen, and Florence~

~Souled out reunion with college mates, where is Mich?~

~The "forever love" Ah Po and Ah Kong~

An instant update for now... =)

Finally!!!

Yes! Finally! Finally I've submitted both essays which due on week 12. Opps, for your information, I am already in Malaysia for one week. It's look like I have my holiday one week earlier than my friends, but actually I've been rushing like hell for my essays throughout the week. So, I'm back, feelings? I don't know... Last post was writing about my thoughts one night before I left UK, and yeah, it's just like yesterday, time flies man...

Well, the feeling is kinda different from when I was back for summer. Different feeling, because different friends. Something and some place which seem to be strange for me during the summer now seem familiar to me. Meet up with some old friends, we still able to talk like we did, but our lifestlye has changed==>imagine the three of us wanted to go home at 12am?! We know we cannot go back to the past, to the lifestlye and freedom we used to have.

Sometimes I wish I am not back in here for holiday, I do not want to come back to this land of reality, which I always need to face the reality which I do not want to know and to stress up myself for so many things, which make me often think of staying back in UK is actually a good thing. However, back here sometimes reminded me of last summer when I spend three months here. Dude, life here got bit different without your "38" shadow. No sing k in cheras plaza, no sushi and ice-cream, and no more your "hypothetical questions" in Laundry! And most importantly, cannot "wat" people to treat us eat. Lol...

Okay okay, gonna meet up with my buddies real soon too! Woohoo~ Reunion and gathering, can't wait to see all the 'keh-poh" faces. See you guys ya!! MOS? Mana-mana sajalah!

A night with thoughts

I am down in London again now. Staying awake in 4.40am local time, need to go to the airport at 6.30am. As you guys know, I am going to leave UK for about a month time. Well, I know I haven't been updating my blog for quite some time, because everytime I wanted to update, is either I don't know what to write or I got so sleepy and tired when I wrote the first sentence. I've been busy for quite some time, essays, experiments, etc, etc... Well, I am not going to relief till 17th Dec..

Somehow, I always feel heavy hearted when I want to leave UK. Maybe I'm just contradicting myself at times, when I was sick, I feel like going home, but now, I am not... Somehow, I know I get attached to UK in any way, perhaps the cold weather, when walking in the freezing weather. Perhaps I miss my peeps here, I miss the days we hang out together, shopping together, and go IC together till late at night. Perhaps is just everything here is what I usually do for the dayss...

London, is always unexpectedly colder than Sheffield, I don't know why. Today, there is something like funfair in London, they have many games which you could win a big soft toys. I was in the same place last year. I saw a lot of gals hugging the big bear around Leicester Square and I want one too! But, maybe I just don't have the luck on it, even though is not I myself playing it and is not my money too!

Sometimes I just feel miserable...

Sometimes I just don't know what I want...

Okay... I shall update my blog again with pics... But NOT for now!

Happy holidays everyone and Merry X'mas and Happy New Year!

Bye UK and here I come--> Malaysia!

A day off from Sheffield

I've been very very busy recently. Psychology department and the Information Commons are my second home. Conducting experiment everyday until evening, then rush to IC to write my essay, I reached home at midnight most of the days, tired and exhausted. Well, finally I could spare some time to take a break of from Sheffield, I went to London, meet up with friends from HELP, I have a great time there. Not to mention, trying to have a shopping spree with Miss. Joan, sadly shops closed earlier on Sunday and the shopping spree is not that successful.

~Siew Wen and me along the crowded Oxford Street~

~Christmas Lights~

~It's dinner time~

~Kai Lun & Siew Wen~

~Kai Lun & Me~

Thanks Siew Wen for being a great host and I enjoyed the short trip. Thanks to Kai Lun too for coming out for dinner even I called him at the very last minute. I appreciate it very much and hopefully you guys will pay a visit to Sheffield in coming days. Oh ya, and I met Jane, Mabel, and Justin too. Thanks Jane and Mabel for purposely look for in the morning... Sorry for the rush trip I have, cause I thought of going on Friday but I really can't spare my time out on that day. =p

Okayy... An instant update. I shall get back to my busy life... Busy, bUsy, BuSy...

Dreams

I think we all have a dream, a goal or an ambition. Some of us try our best to strive for it; some of us just talk about it but doesn't make a move to achieve it. Is it hard to strive for what we want? Maybe we will say it's hard, but we always believe when we have the faith, we can make our dreams come true. I have dreams, especially when I was small and when I was in the high school. Sometimes I wish I can become a doctor, sometimes I wish I am somebody, etc. But, all these are just dreams because it doesn't last long in my mind and I am not gonna to achieve it.

I have forgotten since when, my dream and my ambition is to become a psychologist. This dream of mine is different from other dreams, because I hold on to it, because I have faith, that's why here I am, a 3rd year psychology student. Well, many people always think that psychologist is someone who deal with patients with mental disorders, listening to people's problems and people to settle problems. Once, I wanted to become a clinical psychologist, but when I know the chances to get a doctorate in clinical psychology in UK is near to impossible, I think " a dream is still a dream". "A brilliant degree, experiences in clinical settings, and preferably students who don't need a working permit in UK"---> I guess I am not the one!

And then, with a psychology degree, what can I do? I am not a psychologist apparently, but actually I can do so many things: human resource, marketing, research and development, consulting, etc. etc. But is that what I want? Sometimes I wanted to further my study, but sometimes I am just so sick and tired of study, it's not an easy way to become a psychologist. Well, guess I will try my best in my final year, now my dream is wish to get funding and continue with postgraduate study. I wish my dream will come true...

Slacking for Grey's Anatomy

Oh my god! I feel so bad now! I've been spending hours on Grey's Anatomy where I supposedly should be doing my essay! I feel guilty, feel bad, but I am just so addicted to Grey's Anatomy. Saving lives are great, isn't it?I wish I could save people's life too, perhaps I could, and I believe I could in a way. I like the "take home message" in the end of every episode. Sometimes, this series just has a great impact on me. Perhaps when you see and experience between live and death, you will be more grateful and appreciate what you have now!

Okay, life is short, so, get back to work and appreciate my time! Don't crap so much nonsense here..................

I feel bad and guilty, and now I am going back to work! Ciao!