Freaked up

Holiday is coming soon!! Supposedly I should feel happy because I am going to Swiss, London and Porstmouth, but don't know why I don't have any exciting feel, seriously I don't have! Maybe I just need a good rest in the beginning of holiday, maybe I just prefer to stay in my room, spending some time by myself. My schedule is pack in the beginning of holiday, but it becomes empty after that, luckily somebody is visiting UK in January, and that's the only thing I looking forward for my holiday. I am lazy and not in a mood of socializing and dealing with people recently, I just need time for solitude.

Human is hard to be understand. It's hard to undersand yourself, and it is even harder to find someone who understand you. Behind the smiley face, who knows what a person actually feels? Do you really think you live for yourself in this world? I think we should live for ourselves but not for other people, but apparently it is impossible to live only for yourself. We try to be happy because we don't want others to feel unhappy. We learn to be tough because we don't want the people around worry about us. We comforting others, we trying to give others hope and support because we don't want to see others feel down. But then, are we happy? Could we be tough all the time? Or when you trying to comfort others, you also hope others to comfort you at the same time? I am just doubting, doubt about what happened around us.

A friend called, we talked for about an hour. And I realize we have the similar feel, we experienced the same thing, and we looking forward for the same thing. We screwed up sometimes, we feel lost and we doubt about the thing we are doing, the life we are going through. When I screwed up, I talked to him; when he screwed up, he talked to me, we are supporting and comforting each other so that we could move on with our life. Still remember what he told me "look at the mirror dolly, you're just lost, find back yourself, I believe you can." I am glad to have some good friends beside me, to hold me when I fall, to pull me back the track when I was lost. I know it doesn't matter when others being harsh to me, when the life is challenging me, because I know no matter how I still have you all, no matter how you all will be my side to give me supports and everything. Same thing goes to you my dear friend, I am here to listen to you whenever you need someone to talk to (no matter what time). Remember, you're not alone. Though we can't talk quite often, as you said "friendship is not about distance and proximity, our hearts bring us close to each other."

Relationship between people is complicated, especially romantic love relationship. Recently I heard a lot, I see a lot, and all these are freaking me up, why some f*cking people can betray relationship just like that? Haha.. Perhaps human are cold blooded, when a party change the target, when a party decide to quit, it's GAME OVER. Relationship is so fragile, so weak and it could change within one day. People have a lot of excuses to explain why they betray the relationship. As I said, EXCUSES!! I think it is better to keep you mouth shut rather than come out with those lame EXCUSES which you claim they are REASONS! All these make me scare to involve in a relationship, because I scare one day my trust will burst into pieces, whatever shit promises will turn into a knife and cut into my heart. Tell me I am paranoid, tell me I think too much, but all these are just freaking me up. I have no idea why am I so angry, perhaps some people are just hurting my friends.

Okay, I am tired, I am trying to be understanding of people around me; but sometimes I need people to understand me too. I just hope somebody out there can lend their ears for me, let me mumble and complain, then tell me "nevermind, everything will be fine, just speak out everything you wish to say, I'll be your dustbin." Hahaha...

I know this post is quite long and sorry if anyone of you find it very irritating. I am not emo-ing, I am just throwing out the "rubbish" which stuck in my mind. I feel better now! Uh-Huh...