Folk Psychology

WTF!!! Why people think that I am a Psychology Student and I should know everything about human? Repeatedly, they assumed I am a ROBOT, not a human. If I don't know how to angry, if I don't know how to get sad, if I don't have emotions, if I don't have feelings, then am I the human I should be?

Don't come over and tell me "you are psychology student, you should know why you get angry, you should think about the whole situation before you act, you should support others, and not get angry with others!" OMG, when I was angry, will I still able to reason what the hell am I get angry of all these and what other ways beside get angry? I am a psychology student but at the same time I am a human.

What I learned is not really about what people think I've learned. Reading your mind? Hypnosis? Knowing all about you? Stop making all these assumptions!!! I am so sick of all these! If study Psychology meant to lead us towards perfection and if it meant to be a cure for all psychotic syndrome, why not everyone take out Psychology course?

Reality

I have something in my mind which I couldn't utter.

I wonder, why must I feel the way I feel now?

I don't know who to tell, who to share.

Perhaps I am expecting too much?

I thought it goes the way I thought.

Too much of fantasize,

everything is perfect in my wonderland.

But the reality shows it is not,

nothing is perfect.

Everything is just my imaginery.

Back here,

I am nothing.

I will stop dreaming,

because I am tired of all these~

My days back here

I am back to my hometown finally. Home sweet home~ is how I feel now. Last night I have the best sleep since I came back Malaysia. Not much changes here, both people and the environment.

Now, I am having a dilemma here, to accept that internship or to apply for another internship/job/volunteering work? I was thinking this summer break, hmm, summer, should have enjoy my summer to the fullest; at the same time doing nothing make my summer meaningless as well. I am not desperately need a job for money, I just want to gain some experiences, practical life experiences. I feel so contradicting, I wish to work and I wish to travel around at the same time, but both couldn't come together I guess. Sigh...

Okay, back here, went out with my high school friends, as usual, our beloved gathering place, PCB beach. Not much people here, they going to start a new sem soon, so basically I have not much friends left here. The gathering was great, able to catch up with them since 1 year I guess. As I said, nothing much changed, we are still as 38 as ever, especially their interest in those rumours has never changed. I used to hate rumours when I was still in my secondary school, but now, haha, who cares? I explained and if people still insist the rumour is true, well, just let it be, I can't stop people from thinking and talking that way, so, why I care? Perhaps people just curious, yeah man, curiosity kills!

Oh well, I've been not updating my blog for quite some time, because I just don't know what to write. No feel, nothing much happen, so I'll just keep it blank. Wow, time flies, almost one month since my holiday. Arghh, gonna appreciate my time here....... Oh, finally I am able to meet up Yen, the forever busy woman, have a nice talk in both KLCC and SS2. Almost the same time last year and this year, both of us will be around KLCC-- Last year she accompany me to do my visa, this year she wait for me to interview. Huhu, but she's going to transfer to Australia soon again! Why all my good good friends are there? Nevermind, one day I shall fly there and meet up with you guys! I promise! Able to meet up with YeeLeng, Rebin too, went Poppy together and have a nice time too. Then then, have dinner and movie with Racheal, Nicky and She Fong. Haven't meet up with my darling yet. Darling!!! Gonna meet you up real soon!!!

Okay, I shall update again! Bye for now!

The World and Me

Finally I got a chance to blog. I am back in Malaysia for exactly one week.

I am sort of relief now, get the inspiration from someone's blog. Lucky me, I always get inspiration when I was lost. It's been almost 9 months in the other side of the world. Yes, I survive! At times, I always ruminate in UK, maybe that's the reason why gals are as twice as higher to diagnose with depression than guys. But, I think I learn a lot, really a lot.

The world is so big, and I am only a small small part in this world. When I look wider, my problems are actually not that big. When why are we keep on focus on the same thing all the time. Maybe we have too much, we have everything, perhaps that's why we have so much time and energy to think of some nonsense. Imagine, if you don't have enough food to eat, don't have a place to stay, will you still think of all those crappy relationship thingy?! I bet you won't. Walking down the street in Paris, saw all kinds of people, from different status, living a different life. The moment you are enjoying your happiness, other people might suffering from poverty, starving or other trauma.

I like the quote from my friend's personal msg something like "the happiest person is someone who appreciate what he/she has." I think I should not ruminate that much now onwards. I will just appreciate what I have now. Whatever happens I will try to face it, accept it, and let go it. “面对，接受，放下”.

I am tired, it's time to leave, leave everything which is not belong to me. Life is uncertain, everything just let it be natural. No matter how, there's always a way, even there is a dead end, turn back and walk again, I'll find my way! Cheers to everyone and me~

Summer Break

Wheeeee~ Summer break is coming. Everyone was busy packing things, preparing to go home for summer! I can smell the summer holiday now, 我闻到了暑假的味道！Housemate going back in hours time. Hmm, looking at her busy packing, I can imagine the day before I going back, complicated feelings: happy, excited, heavy-hearted, etc.

Time flies, almost 8 months here. Seeing everyone packing reminded me of my first day here in Sheffield. Hmm, tat's feeling is strange and I din feel the belonginess. But day after day, unconsciously I started to love here, love this place where I am staying now. I feel the belonginess, when I was away from here, suprisingly I always have "Sheffield Sick". Many things happened during this 8 months, but it was just like a dream for me. Until now, I can't imagine now already June 2008, whatever happened 8 months back is just like yesterday. Again, time flies, and it never stop!

I am kinda sleepy though, one more paper to go before I off to Paris on Friday. I think I don't have much time to write after tomorrow. So guys, I will see you back in Malaysia!

Woohoo~ Summer is here! Summer break is here! Malaysia, here I come!!!!!!!!!!!

Pre-Exam Stress

It's been a harsh time for me. One down but three more to go. Neuroscience on Tuesday and Social on Wednesday, that's actually killing me. Exam period in overseas is terrible especially you're facing everything by yourself. Homesick, other than home, no where is paradise. It's tough, seriously tough. 21 years, and this is the first time I actually study till cry. I cried for twice, I just feel helpless and don't know how to describe my feeling.

I tried my best to study, I think I did put effort. But at this moment, I just feel exhausted and tired. The only thing I could think of is to give up, yea, to give up. I seem not really understand what I was studying, and I am just being frustrated of the stupid me. Why can't I understand? Why? But give up, is so unlike me, I am not a person who will give up easily. I might/need to give up on certain thing, but definetely not this thing--> EXAM! I know I can't and I won't, because I have my commitment and reponsibilities, and most important is I can't forgive myself if I really give up. But I am so tired, hard to breath.........................

Lucky me, there's always people to give me support when I need it the most. There's always people reminded me to moving on. Even the tougher moment I have walked through, why not this time then? Thanks for your word "you have me......" though you might be joking or the egoistic you don't want to admit. But I was really touch from what you said. As I said, you've always be there for me when I am down. (You know who you are).

Okay, I am just complaining here. Give me a break and I shall move on.
I know I can... Aza-aza Fighting!!!!! Everything's gonna be alright!

IRREPLACEABLE

I wonder why, these few days memories between you guys flashed on my mind. It's obvious that I miss you guys. Miss the moments we have, miss everything. Especially when chatting with you guys these few days. Ya, and my memory bring me back to HELP. We attended lectures together, talking craps in the lectures, went to San Franc and HP mamak together, spend all day long there till we could actually skip some class.

The conversation with Melvin refresh my memory:
Kenneth: What is your talent?
Dolly : Dreaming...........
Melvin : (Laughed like nobody business..........)

Exam is coming soon, chatting with Florence make me think of her "bla bla san gong". When you don't know what to write, then CRAP!!! I am impress by our crapping skill, do you think is easy to crap? NOT AT ALL!

When I was down and pissed here, chatting with Peggy or Finny will brighten up my day. They are still humour as ever. Complainning to them, I feel relief, Peggy always listen to my complaints and try to cheer me up. Sometimes when feel no one to depends on, chatting with them make me feel the belonginess, warmness, and I know everything's gonna be alright. After Dao Yong transfer to Adelaide, he becomes another Skype kaki, he and me have endless topic and everything which we can think of could be our topic, just like last time when we car-pooling, traffic jam become nothing because we realize the distance is so near when we were busy talking.

At night, craving for food, think of Michele, she's the one who always supper with me late at night. Once hungry, give her a call and she will be willing to accompany me to eat. Sitting in Wong Kok for hours, having her ice coffee and my ice ying-yong, endless topics. And sometimes will called out Rebin, Finny, Melvin to Murni. Opps, our favourite mamak. After everyone transfer, left Rebin and me went to Murni, we still can talk for hours.

Sometimes when bored, like to drive to Bangsar take away Mcd to Finny's house or went to Jalan Batai to look for Carol, two gals went clubbing by their own. Else, can look for Nicky or Yen to go over Ali Maju and have supper. Last time, always go over Jln. Ipoh and look for Kalvin, he knows a lot of places to eat, I love eating the most!!! When I move to Puchong, Dao Yong become my Puchong tour guide...


Clubbing... Everyone of you is clubbing kaki. Maison, Poppy, Zouk? I miss..........

Summer holiday is here/coming soon, most of us will be back to Malaysia... I am so looking forward of it. But there's imperfection, some is not going back =(

Now, I realize life here is so incomplete without you guys, because you all are

I R R E P L A C E A B L E