Holiday's thoughts

Hmm, it has been some time I never update my blog. Missing for one week, just came back from Spain few days ago. Didn't tell many people when I left to Spain, didn't contact with most of the people except one or two. I just want to keep myself away from people, to enjoy my holiday to the maximum without thinking of any nonsense. And yeah, I did, I did have a nice and enjoyable holiday there, it's so wonderful.

Back from Spain, I suddenly think of there is no forever winner or loser. It's just like the archictecture period of Gaudi, the design was amazing, but my friend told me the period doesn't last for long. Some people, thought they are the winner most of the time, no matter is in a relationship or in studies, and when they fall, they will say "this is my first time or you are the first person who do this to me!" Oh well, I used to think like that before, but when I have a great fall, the so-called first time, I realize there is no forever winner.

Sigh, a winner always give people the impression of strong and tough. Even though they feel sad and unhappy or experiencing failure, they will pretend nothing happen, pretend to be tough, pretend to be cool, pretend to be happy, pretend to be they are perfect. I agree that sometimes we need to be strong and tough to move on, but why not we just give us a chance to feel exactly what our hearts want us to feel? Some people used to say I always pretend to be happy, haha, it doesn't matter. People who know me well know when I am happy and when I'm not. I used to think that I was a good pretender which will hide my emotions to myself, but in fact I think I am not. Again, people who understand me know I am not!

I kinda think that relationship among people is very complicated, unpredictable, and fragile. Generally I am speaking about all types of relationship, not just about romantic relationship. At a moment, I thought something will remain the same all the time, but I'm wrong. I feel the changes, perhaps you're not the only one who changed, we all changed. Changes is inevitable, when we realize we have different dreams, different pathway, and different thoughts, we know we are on the different way. I kinda annoyed when I know something, I started not to care, I just don't want to care. The more I care, the more depress I am.

Okay, enough of crapping. Forgive me for this long boring post since I never blog for quite some time.

It's time to get back to my 70% essay. NO MORE PROCRASTINATING since I am running out of time! Bless me~

Random thoughts

Today I received the parcel from my sister, I thought is the one which I thought is lost, but is not!! 以为失而复得，却是一场空。That means I lost my roxy sandals, I know is not a big deal, many people told me it doesn't matter, get a new one, but sometimes it's just not about getting a new one or not, something just have specific meaning to me.

Okay, I know I might be antisocial at here, it's so unlike me. I don't feel like going clubbing, just like tonite, I went to a pub/club, but I get so annoyed by the music, and when I drink my cocktail, OMG, I just feel like puking. Only 12 am, and I was so eager to go home, again, it's so unlike me. I told Peggy, she said is so unbelievable I behave like this in the pub. Furthermore, I told her I rather stay in the library till 2am than go clubbing/drinking. I didn't say that I never clubbing in UK before (just in case someone said I pretend to be good), it's just I don't feel like clubbing here... Hmm, I wondering why...

有人曾经跟我说过，爱你的人你是不会珍惜的，但你却会一直执著于一个不爱你的人。我说人嘛，就是犯贱的，永远只会追求一些得不到的东西。难道错过的和得不到的永远都是最美好的吗？为什么总是要眺望远方寻找你所谓的对的人和物？或许在你身边就有值得你去珍惜的人和物呢？ 有时，留意一下身边的一切，人往往就会忽略了身边的一切。珍惜眼前人啊！

I could never predict what my life would be, the only thing I know is to move on... One day, I will find my answer. So, just move on and stay strong!

A short update

I am tired and exhausted, haven't been sleeping for more than 30 hours. For my lovely attitude essay... Sigh...

Gym and swimming in the morning, rush to class, went to shopping and eat eat eat for the whole day. I just don't feel like going home for some reason. I am happily shopping and eating with baby Pricilla today. For those who know me well, I love to eat and shop when I was unhappy and stress.

Receiving birthday cards yesterday has cheer up my day! Thanks my deary sister, Rynn, Michele and Peggy. The cards mean a lot to me. And the bookmark my sister gave me, her words of courage is the strength to keep me alive, to keep me move on.

Sometimes, being kind and nice is so tiring, it's meaningless being nice and appreciate the people who don't appreciate you. Stop being a fool, I will just live my own life, being who I am. Who cares whatever happen. So, I don't want to care, whatever happens I also don't wish to know.

I appreciate people who appreciate me,
I care people who care of me,
I love people who love me.

After all, it's time to love myself more~

Dolly's 21st birthday~

Finally I am 21st!!! I have a wonderful, unforgettable, sweet birthday. Honestly, this is the most surprising and touching birthday celebration I ever have. I thought I gonna have a lonely 21st birthday here, but it is not!!! The birthday celebration makes me feel warm in this type of cold weather.

Unfortunately, some of your acting skills need to be improve, but it's still consider a surprise for me. I was like asking everyone for dinner, everyone was saying they are busy this and that, come out with all sort of excuses, omg, you guys actually were cheating on me! Everything was so surprising me, I am *speechless* :p

~Me with the birthday card~

~Tasha, Dolly, Pricilla and Yee Huai~

~Joan, Tasha and Dolly~

~Muriel, Yee Huai, Dolly and Hui Yiang~

~Sweet gals who celebrate my 21st birthday with me~

~Thanks Yee Huai/Wei Jin for the handmade lovely cake~

~With the Boss and Lady Boss~

~Thanks Muriel and Pricilla for the sweet present~

~I appreciate the effort of you gals, touch~

It's a wonderful night for me!! And it will definetely be my sweet memory and I will remember I have you guys in Sheffield!!! I appreciate all these and thanks a lot a lot. Thanks to Weng Tze, Jiar Li and Smin also for the lovely card and cute sweet handbag.

Huggies and Loves---> From me!!!

Yay! Dolly is 21st..... Hehehe.......

Liverpool Trip

Just came back from Liverpool day trip with Pricilla, Fabian and Muriel. The trip was great though we are tired, thanks guys for the wonderful trip.

We took the 8.20am train to Liverpool, everyone looks sleepy-->coffee to keep us awake! I think the "coffee uncle" get annoyed by us. Lol...The scenery along the journey is very beautiful and nice.

Reached Liverpool about 10 am. Went to the city center of Liverpool. Normal UK city center, but the feeling was like we were not in UK, but in Malaysia, very homey and comfortable.Liverpool's Cathedral. It's super windy outside. I nearly blow away by the wind.

Liverpool's Chinatown. A very quiet street with not much people, perhaps it's still early. Decided to have lunch in a Chinese Restaurant. Unfortunately, they didn't serve dim sum, so, we just ordered a 2 persons set meal and soups.

That's our lunch. Thanks baby Pricilla for preparing the crispy duck wrap for us. It's sweet. Cheers without purpose but just to finish the wine (but we didn't finish).

Horse's car tour. It's very fun and enjoyable. Walked around the city center, we think that is the most worth activity in Liverpool. Everyone walking down the street looking at us, so funny. The horse is cute, is so furry, at least is something special during the trip.

Albert Dock. Went to museum and took pictures around the dock. It's really the most cultural city-->Liverpool.

Went to Anfield, sadly the stadium is closed as well as the shops. Hmm, it's an old stadium compared to Chelsea, Old Trafford and St. James Park.

The trip was really nice. Sadly, we have no enough time to go to the beach. Muriel, promise we will bring you to the beach one day ya! Thanks Muriel for doing research until 4am. Thanks Pricilla for the photo's session, crapping with me along the journey. Thanks Fabian came all the way from Newcastle to accompany your baby Pricilla and her friends. Haha... I enjoyed it very much, and looking forward the Spain trip during easter break.

It's just me

Being tough; sometimes I am not tough.
Being cheerful; sometimes I just feel sad.
Being outgoing; sometimes I just need solitude.
Being an extrovert; sometimes I just feel lonely.
Know my way; sometimes I am lost.
I know what life is; sometimes I confuse about life.

There's always imperfection in life,
I would never be perfect,
I will not always be a cheerful, tough, outgoing, and ambitious gal;
I will feel sad, will feel lonely, will feel weak, will emo.
That's me, I am just being myself,
feeling what I feel...

It's 1.53 am, 1st of March, 2008,
a brand new day, brand new dream!
Off to Liverpool...
Looking forward to Spain~

Bad day~

I have a bad day. Went to see my personal tutor and collect my result, I think I was speechless when I looked at my result. It's not that bad actually, it's just not what I expected. My personal tutor told me it was not bad, and everyone thinks that cognitive psyc is hard to score. When he asked me got any question, besides "nothing" this word, I am basically speechless. He should realize the disappointment on my face. Walked down the street, realize the street is so quiet than normally, the weather is gloomy, windy and cold, my heart is even colder. Tasha and I were saying everything is so match with our mood and emotions.

Lab class was canceled but I didn't know because I didn't receive any email from the department. If I know earlier, I would sit in starbucks longer to do my works. But I can't go home, because there is an appoinment with the property agent in the evening. So, I spend my two hours time in IC with Tasha, trying to do the non-access questions. Then, went to Tesco wait for the property agent, waited for 30 minutes but he/she doesn't show up. I called, the lady told me she didn't have any record of my appoinment. I was like wtf, I told her I've been waiting for half an hour but she just ignored my words, how "responsible" the property agent is.

Throughout the day, I split out my coffee and sandwich for few times. Why is it so not my day? I'm lost recently, unclear about the direction, wondering things I am doing and what's the purpose of all these? I've been so stress and tired recently, looking for accomodation, looking for job, trying to study, but everything is still lagging here and there until today! Why can't everything just be perfect?! I just want everything to be settled ASAP! Please....

I don't feel like doing anything. I feel like lay on the bed and not thinking of a single thing.
Get all things done, is my only wish now~ Bless me!!!