Finally I got a chance to blog. I am back in Malaysia for exactly one week.
I am sort of relief now, get the inspiration from someone's blog. Lucky me, I always get inspiration when I was lost. It's been almost 9 months in the other side of the world. Yes, I survive! At times, I always ruminate in UK, maybe that's the reason why gals are as twice as higher to diagnose with depression than guys. But, I think I learn a lot, really a lot.
The world is so big, and I am only a small small part in this world. When I look wider, my problems are actually not that big. When why are we keep on focus on the same thing all the time. Maybe we have too much, we have everything, perhaps that's why we have so much time and energy to think of some nonsense. Imagine, if you don't have enough food to eat, don't have a place to stay, will you still think of all those crappy relationship thingy?! I bet you won't. Walking down the street in Paris, saw all kinds of people, from different status, living a different life. The moment you are enjoying your happiness, other people might suffering from poverty, starving or other trauma.
I like the quote from my friend's personal msg something like "the happiest person is someone who appreciate what he/she has." I think I should not ruminate that much now onwards. I will just appreciate what I have now. Whatever happens I will try to face it, accept it, and let go it. “面对，接受，放下”.
I am tired, it's time to leave, leave everything which is not belong to me. Life is uncertain, everything just let it be natural. No matter how, there's always a way, even there is a dead end, turn back and walk again, I'll find my way! Cheers to everyone and me~
My Memories
Thursday, June 19, 2008
Thursday, June 5, 2008
Summer Break
Wheeeee~ Summer break is coming. Everyone was busy packing things, preparing to go home for summer! I can smell the summer holiday now, 我闻到了暑假的味道！Housemate going back in hours time. Hmm, looking at her busy packing, I can imagine the day before I going back, complicated feelings: happy, excited, heavy-hearted, etc.
Time flies, almost 8 months here. Seeing everyone packing reminded me of my first day here in Sheffield. Hmm, tat's feeling is strange and I din feel the belonginess. But day after day, unconsciously I started to love here, love this place where I am staying now. I feel the belonginess, when I was away from here, suprisingly I always have "Sheffield Sick". Many things happened during this 8 months, but it was just like a dream for me. Until now, I can't imagine now already June 2008, whatever happened 8 months back is just like yesterday. Again, time flies, and it never stop!
I am kinda sleepy though, one more paper to go before I off to Paris on Friday. I think I don't have much time to write after tomorrow. So guys, I will see you back in Malaysia!
Woohoo~ Summer is here! Summer break is here! Malaysia, here I come!!!!!!!!!!!
Time flies, almost 8 months here. Seeing everyone packing reminded me of my first day here in Sheffield. Hmm, tat's feeling is strange and I din feel the belonginess. But day after day, unconsciously I started to love here, love this place where I am staying now. I feel the belonginess, when I was away from here, suprisingly I always have "Sheffield Sick". Many things happened during this 8 months, but it was just like a dream for me. Until now, I can't imagine now already June 2008, whatever happened 8 months back is just like yesterday. Again, time flies, and it never stop!
I am kinda sleepy though, one more paper to go before I off to Paris on Friday. I think I don't have much time to write after tomorrow. So guys, I will see you back in Malaysia!
Woohoo~ Summer is here! Summer break is here! Malaysia, here I come!!!!!!!!!!!
Saturday, May 31, 2008
Pre-Exam Stress
It's been a harsh time for me. One down but three more to go. Neuroscience on Tuesday and Social on Wednesday, that's actually killing me. Exam period in overseas is terrible especially you're facing everything by yourself. Homesick, other than home, no where is paradise. It's tough, seriously tough. 21 years, and this is the first time I actually study till cry. I cried for twice, I just feel helpless and don't know how to describe my feeling.
I tried my best to study, I think I did put effort. But at this moment, I just feel exhausted and tired. The only thing I could think of is to give up, yea, to give up. I seem not really understand what I was studying, and I am just being frustrated of the stupid me. Why can't I understand? Why? But give up, is so unlike me, I am not a person who will give up easily. I might/need to give up on certain thing, but definetely not this thing--> EXAM! I know I can't and I won't, because I have my commitment and reponsibilities, and most important is I can't forgive myself if I really give up. But I am so tired, hard to breath.........................
Lucky me, there's always people to give me support when I need it the most. There's always people reminded me to moving on. Even the tougher moment I have walked through, why not this time then? Thanks for your word "you have me......" though you might be joking or the egoistic you don't want to admit. But I was really touch from what you said. As I said, you've always be there for me when I am down. (You know who you are).
Okay, I am just complaining here. Give me a break and I shall move on.
I know I can... Aza-aza Fighting!!!!! Everything's gonna be alright!
I tried my best to study, I think I did put effort. But at this moment, I just feel exhausted and tired. The only thing I could think of is to give up, yea, to give up. I seem not really understand what I was studying, and I am just being frustrated of the stupid me. Why can't I understand? Why? But give up, is so unlike me, I am not a person who will give up easily. I might/need to give up on certain thing, but definetely not this thing--> EXAM! I know I can't and I won't, because I have my commitment and reponsibilities, and most important is I can't forgive myself if I really give up. But I am so tired, hard to breath.........................
Lucky me, there's always people to give me support when I need it the most. There's always people reminded me to moving on. Even the tougher moment I have walked through, why not this time then? Thanks for your word "you have me......" though you might be joking or the egoistic you don't want to admit. But I was really touch from what you said. As I said, you've always be there for me when I am down. (You know who you are).
Okay, I am just complaining here. Give me a break and I shall move on.
I know I can... Aza-aza Fighting!!!!! Everything's gonna be alright!
Monday, May 26, 2008
IRREPLACEABLE
I wonder why, these few days memories between you guys flashed on my mind. It's obvious that I miss you guys. Miss the moments we have, miss everything. Especially when chatting with you guys these few days. Ya, and my memory bring me back to HELP. We attended lectures together, talking craps in the lectures, went to San Franc and HP mamak together, spend all day long there till we could actually skip some class.
The conversation with Melvin refresh my memory:
Kenneth: What is your talent?
Dolly : Dreaming...........
Melvin : (Laughed like nobody business..........)
Exam is coming soon, chatting with Florence make me think of her "bla bla san gong". When you don't know what to write, then CRAP!!! I am impress by our crapping skill, do you think is easy to crap? NOT AT ALL!
When I was down and pissed here, chatting with Peggy or Finny will brighten up my day. They are still humour as ever. Complainning to them, I feel relief, Peggy always listen to my complaints and try to cheer me up. Sometimes when feel no one to depends on, chatting with them make me feel the belonginess, warmness, and I know everything's gonna be alright. After Dao Yong transfer to Adelaide, he becomes another Skype kaki, he and me have endless topic and everything which we can think of could be our topic, just like last time when we car-pooling, traffic jam become nothing because we realize the distance is so near when we were busy talking.
At night, craving for food, think of Michele, she's the one who always supper with me late at night. Once hungry, give her a call and she will be willing to accompany me to eat. Sitting in Wong Kok for hours, having her ice coffee and my ice ying-yong, endless topics. And sometimes will called out Rebin, Finny, Melvin to Murni. Opps, our favourite mamak. After everyone transfer, left Rebin and me went to Murni, we still can talk for hours.
Sometimes when bored, like to drive to Bangsar take away Mcd to Finny's house or went to Jalan Batai to look for Carol, two gals went clubbing by their own. Else, can look for Nicky or Yen to go over Ali Maju and have supper. Last time, always go over Jln. Ipoh and look for Kalvin, he knows a lot of places to eat, I love eating the most!!! When I move to Puchong, Dao Yong become my Puchong tour guide...
Clubbing... Everyone of you is clubbing kaki. Maison, Poppy, Zouk? I miss..........
Summer holiday is here/coming soon, most of us will be back to Malaysia... I am so looking forward of it. But there's imperfection, some is not going back =(
Now, I realize life here is so incomplete without you guys, because you all are
The conversation with Melvin refresh my memory:
Kenneth: What is your talent?
Dolly : Dreaming...........
Melvin : (Laughed like nobody business..........)
Exam is coming soon, chatting with Florence make me think of her "bla bla san gong". When you don't know what to write, then CRAP!!! I am impress by our crapping skill, do you think is easy to crap? NOT AT ALL!
When I was down and pissed here, chatting with Peggy or Finny will brighten up my day. They are still humour as ever. Complainning to them, I feel relief, Peggy always listen to my complaints and try to cheer me up. Sometimes when feel no one to depends on, chatting with them make me feel the belonginess, warmness, and I know everything's gonna be alright. After Dao Yong transfer to Adelaide, he becomes another Skype kaki, he and me have endless topic and everything which we can think of could be our topic, just like last time when we car-pooling, traffic jam become nothing because we realize the distance is so near when we were busy talking.
At night, craving for food, think of Michele, she's the one who always supper with me late at night. Once hungry, give her a call and she will be willing to accompany me to eat. Sitting in Wong Kok for hours, having her ice coffee and my ice ying-yong, endless topics. And sometimes will called out Rebin, Finny, Melvin to Murni. Opps, our favourite mamak. After everyone transfer, left Rebin and me went to Murni, we still can talk for hours.
Sometimes when bored, like to drive to Bangsar take away Mcd to Finny's house or went to Jalan Batai to look for Carol, two gals went clubbing by their own. Else, can look for Nicky or Yen to go over Ali Maju and have supper. Last time, always go over Jln. Ipoh and look for Kalvin, he knows a lot of places to eat, I love eating the most!!! When I move to Puchong, Dao Yong become my Puchong tour guide...
Clubbing... Everyone of you is clubbing kaki. Maison, Poppy, Zouk? I miss..........
Summer holiday is here/coming soon, most of us will be back to Malaysia... I am so looking forward of it. But there's imperfection, some is not going back =(
Now, I realize life here is so incomplete without you guys, because you all are
I R R E P L A C E A B L E
Thursday, May 22, 2008
Study Phobia
I am so sick of studying. Tired, exhausted and bored! These few days, I am living a super dead life. Wake up, lunch, study, online, study, coffee, study, dinner, study+online and sleep.
Sometimes I wonder why am I study so much here? To get a degree, to get a good job, to earn money?! Why not look for a rich and guy and marry, then stay at home and become "siu lai lai". "我要嫁个有钱人!" Hahaha, perhaps I am thinking too much here. Well, I am just crapping here, to release STRESS!
Done with Social but not Health Psyc, both come together. It's interesting when attended social psyc lecture, everything seems like common sense to us, but when I start to study it, I almost freak up. The more common sense I think, the harder to understand and apply. That's what psychology (perhaps is folk psychology), so easy yet so difficult, so near yet so far!
It's time for Developmental Psyc, coming out is my weakest subject-->Neuroscience! Then lastly Research Method which is the closing ceremony for my 2nd year. Then, free?! Paris, honestly, I am not so looking forward, I can imagine how exhausted I am after the last paper. Sick of travelling? Perhaps... I am more looking forward to go home, my lovely home. Now I realize that compared to home, travelling is actually nothing! *Home Sweet Home*, who doesn't want to go home?
Arghhh....... I wish tomorrow is 6th of June............ Sigh........................
Okay, get back to study.......... Wish me luck!
Sometimes I wonder why am I study so much here? To get a degree, to get a good job, to earn money?! Why not look for a rich and guy and marry, then stay at home and become "siu lai lai". "我要嫁个有钱人!" Hahaha, perhaps I am thinking too much here. Well, I am just crapping here, to release STRESS!
Done with Social but not Health Psyc, both come together. It's interesting when attended social psyc lecture, everything seems like common sense to us, but when I start to study it, I almost freak up. The more common sense I think, the harder to understand and apply. That's what psychology (perhaps is folk psychology), so easy yet so difficult, so near yet so far!
It's time for Developmental Psyc, coming out is my weakest subject-->Neuroscience! Then lastly Research Method which is the closing ceremony for my 2nd year. Then, free?! Paris, honestly, I am not so looking forward, I can imagine how exhausted I am after the last paper. Sick of travelling? Perhaps... I am more looking forward to go home, my lovely home. Now I realize that compared to home, travelling is actually nothing! *Home Sweet Home*, who doesn't want to go home?
Arghhh....... I wish tomorrow is 6th of June............ Sigh........................
Okay, get back to study.......... Wish me luck!
Sunday, May 18, 2008
凡人烦事
同样的事情，两个不同的人用不同的方式告诉我，我又不同的感觉和反应。
这一刻，我清楚知道谁是真心对我好，谁不是。I am no more in a dilemma. 有些事情真的是很明显，我早就该知道谁是真心对我，谁珍惜我，谁关心我。我最讨厌被人当玩偶的感觉，我明白每个人都是自私的，但你自私的程度有点令我咋舌。难道你认为这世界上只有你一个人在忙吗？你永远都是那么的自我，你从来都没有去体会一下你身边的人的感受。你只懂得自己的感受，因为你是一个名副其实的自私鬼！但你得空的时候，心情好的时候，就和我聊得没完没了。心情不好或在忙得时候，你仿佛在告诉我不要有事没事就去烦你，妈的！真的是有够“杜兰”。
以前我还会感觉到伤心，失望，生气，现在的我已经没什么感觉了，或许我真的累了，我也不想再这样拉扯下去，我答应过我自己不会为了你这样的一个人让我掉眼泪，让我伤心，原因很简单：因为你不值得这一切！你那一副高高在上的感觉，让我觉得我自己高攀不起，或许我这一辈子都不能和你平起平坐。我不是谦虚，也不是自卑，只是我觉得在你的世界里，只容得下你自己，根本不会有别人！
或许不是你已远离我的世界，而是我已慢慢的离开你的世界！
或许或许，我和你的相识，一开始就是一个错!
抑或许，现在的一切已经不再是当初的那么完美！从对到错，只是因为时间的关系。
这一刻，我清楚知道谁是真心对我好，谁不是。I am no more in a dilemma. 有些事情真的是很明显，我早就该知道谁是真心对我，谁珍惜我，谁关心我。我最讨厌被人当玩偶的感觉，我明白每个人都是自私的，但你自私的程度有点令我咋舌。难道你认为这世界上只有你一个人在忙吗？你永远都是那么的自我，你从来都没有去体会一下你身边的人的感受。你只懂得自己的感受，因为你是一个名副其实的自私鬼！但你得空的时候，心情好的时候，就和我聊得没完没了。心情不好或在忙得时候，你仿佛在告诉我不要有事没事就去烦你，妈的！真的是有够“杜兰”。
以前我还会感觉到伤心，失望，生气，现在的我已经没什么感觉了，或许我真的累了，我也不想再这样拉扯下去，我答应过我自己不会为了你这样的一个人让我掉眼泪，让我伤心，原因很简单：因为你不值得这一切！你那一副高高在上的感觉，让我觉得我自己高攀不起，或许我这一辈子都不能和你平起平坐。我不是谦虚，也不是自卑，只是我觉得在你的世界里，只容得下你自己，根本不会有别人！
或许不是你已远离我的世界，而是我已慢慢的离开你的世界！
或许或许，我和你的相识，一开始就是一个错!
抑或许，现在的一切已经不再是当初的那么完美！从对到错，只是因为时间的关系。
Tuesday, May 13, 2008
Countdown
Finally, I finished my final assignment for my second year. *Relief*, BUT only for a moment, it's time to prepare for final exam, which is after two weeks. Time flies, I can start countdown-ing for everything: final exam, Paris, and GO HOME!!! Can't wait to go home...
Time pass very fast, almost 9 months I am here. 9 months, sometimes I feel so unbelievable I survive happily here. People always say "time flies, people changed". I believe in it, perhaps we are no more walking in the same pace, perhaps you are walking farther and farther from me, and slowly you are walking away from my life. People come and go, it's inevitable. But I appreciate every friend of mine, but sometimes thing doesn't go the way you wish.
Submitted! It's time to study!! Aza-aza Fighting!!!
Countdown...
Countdown...
Countdown...
Time pass very fast, almost 9 months I am here. 9 months, sometimes I feel so unbelievable I survive happily here. People always say "time flies, people changed". I believe in it, perhaps we are no more walking in the same pace, perhaps you are walking farther and farther from me, and slowly you are walking away from my life. People come and go, it's inevitable. But I appreciate every friend of mine, but sometimes thing doesn't go the way you wish.
Submitted! It's time to study!! Aza-aza Fighting!!!
Countdown...
Countdown...
Countdown...
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